Culture, Innit?

After lunch we wandered about trying to find this coffee shop that the boys knew of, but alas we didn't manage to find it: actually it was really nice just walking about the market stalls, looking at all the bits people were selling (mostly crap and / or stolen, I suspect) and finally making our way to Jim Thompson’s House (for more culture), some coffee and then the Skytrain to Siam to Madame Tussauds (not sure if that counts as culture, but it was fun).

I am not sure why they had Princess Diana still; don’t they know she’s dead?

We decide to head Chinatown in the evening for some fantastic seafood: I did think that when Adrian said we were going for fantastic seafood, I thought it was in a sit down restaurant – well at least indoors – err, no, it was on the corner of two main roads in Chinatown and, after queuing in the madness of Bangkok’s Chinatown, we were seated on a long table outside, next to a couple of very sweet Vietnamese girls. 

Completely hectic, completely delicious food and just a real experience of a city that is completely fantastic. 

National Snooze-eum

Once on the other side we take our life into our own hands and get a tuk-tuk to the National Museum – only the driver takes us to a different National Museum to the one I thought we were going to, on the other side of town, so we have to take a taxi back to here we started from and start again! Tuk-tuks are an experience: speeding along the streets of Bangkok alongside the more robust vehicles, dodging people and potholes and generally giving you the feeling of complete fear. Fabulous though.

I was completely disappointed by the museum – it cost a fortune (relatively speaking) to get in, (200Baht, 20 MYR, £4), but it was literally a few halls with Bangkok / Thailand’s history crammed inside, up to about 1973 and then nothing. I was expecting exhibition halls, permanent and temporary displays, interactive exhibitions.

Maybe I was expecting the British or Natural History Museum. 

I was surprised it was listed in my Rough Guide as one of the top 10 things to do in Bangkok - maybe we had missed something? Anyway, by this time we had probably all done enough culture for the day, and we headed about to find something to eat – stopping off for some delicious crispy pork, chicken wings, fried banana and other tit-bits before settling for some noodle soup.

Slipper Slapper

We wander down to Silom and get the MRT from Chong Nonsi to Saphan Taksin and catch the boat up the river to Tha Tien, so that we can get a ferry across the river to Wat Arun. The ferry is hovering about waiting for the last few passengers to join (us), but I am the last one of us and dither too long: the gap between land and boat widens too much for me to jump. Fearing I’d be lost in the river, I chicken out.

The boat reverses back to give me a second chance and everyone is egging me on, but there is still a gap of about 1.5 metres and I decide not to make the jump and settle for waiting for the next one, to the (silent) jeers of the other passengers no doubt! 

Wat Arun is amazing – it’s one of the Wats that I didn’t get to see with Kerrie, so I was really pleased that we got to come here. The first thing, however, was a bit of a faux-pas: there was this photo opportunity thing where you stick your head through a wooden cutout of a couple of traditional Thai dressed dancers and end up looking like a complete twat. Well me and Adrian decided to look like twats and Edwin snapped a few shots of us. 


The next thing we knew, this old woman comes over and starts asking for money, pointing to the smallest sign for 40 Baht in the corner of the stand. Bollocks to that, so we delete the photos and show this old hag that we have done so. She slaps her slippers on the ground, shouting some thing that doesn’t sound too polite actually, and I later learn the slapping your shoes at someone is the highest form of insult you can give.

Oops, maybe we should have just paid the 40 Baht (4MYR, 80p), rather than have her curse us.

Anyway, we wander about the Wat, and it’s grounds, climbing up the massive structure (up very narrow and precarious steps, I have to say) and After wandering around the Wat grounds and climbing various parts, we decide to hit the museum, so we head back to the ferry station, avoiding the slipper slapper and scaring a load of pigeons on the way.

What Time do You Call This?

I get a morning call from Adrian to wake me up at about 0830 in time for getting some breakfast and I feel like I have been awake all week: so tired and my head is spaced! After trying to make a coffee using a kettle that didn’t want to boil water, I am pottering about when there was a knock at the door, and there the boys were, dressed, fresh looking and ready to go!

And there was me: haggard, looking tired and ready to go back to my bed!

I rushed about, got washed and dressed and met them downstairs for breakfast – which was OK, but only a typical hotel buffet style breakfast, and with all the cheap food that’s available outside, I did wonder why we bothered. Still, it was free (well, inclusive of the hotel room price).

Breakfast over, we start our first day in Bangkok and the itinerary today (roughly) is Wat Arun, National Museum, Madame Tussauds, food, show, massage and disco dancing - though not necessarily in that order.

Sawadee Krap, Bangkok!

We arrive about 10pm, and sail through immigration (unlike the last time I was there) and after navigating our way up and down the airport a few times to get to the taxi rank, we get one and head to the Glow Trinity Hotel – our home for the next few days. Adrian chats to the driver about hiring him for a day trip to Ayutthaya and he seems reasonable (2000 Baht – 200MYR – £40) so we take his number and arrange to call him tomorrow to confirm. I was quite surprised that as we left the cold dry air of the air-conditioned airport and stepped into the open air of Bangkok that I wasn’t hit by a wave of hot, humid and smelly air – it was actually cold. Well, that’s if you can call 18 degrees ‘cold’. It was really quite refreshing.

The hotel was lovely, but our rooms are not next to each other, which is a bit annoying seeing as we specifically asked when we booked a month ago. Still, never mind - we ask that they move us to rooms nearer each other, and they’ll look into it, but the hotel is full. Oh well...

After a quick unpack and freshen up, we head out to Silom for a drink and some food – it is quite late, but the place is still alive. We head for a bar called Telephone which is on this street where all the bar staff are hanging out on the street and are virtually orgasming when we walk down the street, trying to lure us into their dens of iniquity!

I. LOVE. IT.

So we have beer and Thai food, which was really welcome after the journey and I was starving. It’s late and most places are closing now, so we head back to the hotel at about 2 am, get a little lost on the way home in the dark, smelly streets of Bangkok, and go to bed. We had already decided that tomorrow’s planned agenda of going to the floating market at 0630 is not going to happen (how ridiculous were we to even think of such a thing!) and arrange to meet for breakfast at a much more reasonable 0830...

Was Is Das?

We are flying Lufthansa Airlines and the flight’s great, though I am rather disappointed that there are no individual television screens in economy, and everyone has to watch the same (crap) film. 

Oh well.  I'm a bit bored and looking about the place I ask one of the hostesses what this hole / vent thing is for above the seats is for: it looked like an air conditioning vent, but it had a white button next to it that did nothing, and there was no air coming out of it.

No-one else has one except the seats we are in. The first hostess had no idea and calls another hostess over, who presses the white button repeatedly and then shrugs her shoulders and also says she has no idea. Both of them say “ve hav no idea vot dis ting iz for” in a rather gruff German accent and stomp off saying something about big brother watching us...

I think this is going to be a fun holiday! 

Off To The Airport, To Get On A Plane...

Me, Edwin and Adrian are off to Bangkok today - hoorah!! Charles is very kind enough to be giving us a lift, but the traffic is terrible coming out of my place and I am beginning to think that we should have left a lot earlier. However, it’s only because of the shitty new Palace roadworks and before long we are on our way stopping at Palm Springs to pick the boys up. Before long we are at KLIA, having a snack dinner whilst I change money to get some Baht and after bidding farewell to Charles (shame he wasn't coming) we set off on our journey. 

We have to check in our baggage, seeing as the boys have bought two humungous suitcases. (I was joking when I asked whether I should bring the kitchen sink). I was worried that we would be stuck in a massive queue like I was last time I flew to Bangkok. 

Not this time – after a few seconds of queuing, this rather lovely hostess came and virtually escorted us personally to an empty queue. I like this treatment, though I still don’t like the Germans, for obvious reasons. 

So, all checked in, we head for some shopping and the flight...

Via a cocktail bar, of course, in probably one of the most expensive bars in Malaysia: two Singapore Slings and a Citrus Thing later we are on our way to the gate, where we virtually walk straight onto the plane, how marvellous. 

Daydreaming Of Driving Standards

I’ve been interviewing people all week, which can be tough, especially if they aren't very good. Depending on exactly how good they are dictates how much I end up daydreaming, and today it was not possible to keep focussed and my thoughts turn to the driver who had parked in the middle lane of the motorway whilst trying to decide which fork in the road to take. 

I am amazed by the driving standards over here, perhaps I'm getting more observant or it generally is getting worse. I’ve seen a person cut right across 4 lanes of traffic on many occasions: that’s almost a normal way of driving. 

Last night I saw a lorry turn out of a junction and join the traffic the opposite way just to get onto the road that he wanted to. Hard to explain, but he was coming out of a road on a one way slip road coming off the Lebuhraya Sprint, so he turned the wrong way up the slip road, into oncoming traffic, and then rejoined the main carriageway. Incredible. 

And then there are the motorcycles that use the pedestrian bridge over the motorways to cross as a short cut, or rather than wait for the traffic lights.

And aggressive?! Never seen anything like it. One minute there is nothing behind you, the next there is some polite looking, supposedly mild mannered Malaysian right up your backside flashing their lights to get in front, and if you haven’t moved out of the way in a split second, they undertake you, cutting you up as they pull in front and speed up to the arse of the next car.

Amazing.

So, anyway, tell me what personal qualities you would bring to this role, should you be successful...

One Night In Bangkok (Well, Four Actually)

Over our rather lovely Vietnamese dinner in Fong Lye, we start to list all the things that we wanted to do during our 4 day trip to Thailand, and create a sort of an itinerary. Things some of us start to scribble down are:

• Ancient city (Ayutthaya) - day trip
• Massage ('happy ending' optional!)
• National Museum (to which they give me funny looks)
• Floating market (half day trip, 6.30am start!)
• Bridge over River Kwai (half day trip)
• Wat Arun
• Madame Tussauds
• Cocktails and nice dinner
• River cruise
• Chakuchak Market / Shopping

After consideration, someone else adds the following:

• Clubbing / DJ Station
• Patpong
• Cabaret
• Go-go / ladyboy show

Notice the first list was more cultured? That was mine. 

Anyway, this is an impossibly large itinerary and we'll be hard pressed to do most of the items here, but it is a first pass. Time to shed a few items... every time we go over it and get to the museum they all look at me, shaking their heads, but it IS listed as one of the top 10 things to do in Bangkok, so it should be good: and besides I love museums, even if sometimes it’s just to get out of the heat.

Actually we are able to fit most things in, and we only have to lose the River Kwai. I'm not concerned, as I have seen the film... Everything else is on our "plan"...

Bangkok here we come!

Magnets, Rock And Fudge

I am going to Bangkok with Adrian and Edwin this weekend for a break: we need to discuss the  itinerary, so I suggest we all meet at Fong Lye, in Sri Hartamas for dinner and plan making. I give them all the little gifts from the UK – fridge magnets of London and the Royal Wedding, some rock from Bournemouth and a box of fudge. They are intrigued with the rock, especially when I point out that the ‘Bournemouth’ goes all the way through. I don't think the William and Kate fridge magnet was a hit, but I did point out that when she pisses off the "Family" and gets murdered in a car crash, it will become a collectable item.

Too Much Intestine

Jet lag has kicked in, despite me trying to force the readjustment by going to bed quite late last night, and I am awake at 3 am. Ugh.

So I fart about on the internet to while away the time before drifting back to sleep – until 6 am. I get up, potter about and head to work early, knowing that I have a full and long day ahead of me. To break the day up, I meet up with Keith for lunch and we head to this place near the office (though I would never be able to find it again, as it seemed to be down a series of small roads, lanes and dirt tracks) called Home Bak Kut Teh.

Well, I think that's what is was called – the place is very local and there is no English sign saying where we are, so I make use of Foursquare and this seems to be the right place.

The only thing on the menu was bak kut teh, so we have that which was lovely, though I could have done without the copious amount of intestines as that's really not my cup of...err... soup...

Don't They Know Who I Am?

On the flight back (upper deck, dahling!) I was sat behind a very annoying and loud Australian couple, who seemed to spend the whole time reclining their seats and then sitting upright again. I wished I'd had some large tool to shut them up with, but I didn't. Anyway, I managed to get in a few films; The King’s Speech being the last one to which I missed the ending as we came into land, but I am certain that the did not all die in the end!

Actually, they pretty much are all dead now!

The turbulence was really bad as we flew into Asia and there were a few points where I was pretty scared, but we landed safe and sound, in the pouring rain, and heat! I was very, VERY disappointed to find that no-one was waiting for me at the arrivals lounge, despite my hinting to a number of friends...Don’t they know who I am!?

I get fed up with the taxi driver I have booked who continuously tuts at my prepaid ticket, saying that ‘it’s raining and the traffic is bad’. Oh OK then, I’ll just stay at the airport for the rest of my life, shall I?

You’re a fucking taxi. I have paid my fare. Taxi me to my destination, you lazy c*nt.

In fact, the rain has stopped and the traffic is completely clear, and I get home in the quickest time ever from the airport.

Returning

I am off back to KL this evening, but first need to head into town for some shopping (shirts, pants, some tacky English souvenirs and contact lenses)

I decide to slum the journey into the airport by taking the Underground, which takes forever, but at least it’s easy – and cheaper than getting a taxi. At least I can recover from that by luxuriating in the Malaysia Airlines lounge. Is it wrong to have champagne at 10 am?

No. 

Last Night

Last day in the office before going back to the UK for a week – am really looking forward to that to catch up with family and friends etc. I am out tonight with friends for a Korean meal in Kota Damansara, which was great and nice to try something that I hadn’t had before. We went for the barbeque option with pork and lamb, plus a load of accompanying dishes, a bit like tapas in a way, but more exotic and spicy. Adrian showed me how to make these wraps with lettuce leaves, meat, fried garlic, spring onion and sauces, which were delicious and I end up making about 10 of them and scoffing them all down like a gannet.

We were the only people in the place at first and were waited on hand and foot – I am not sure what they were saying, but it was a bit like being back in Bangkok, with all of them bowing and thanking us profusely in, I guess, Korean. One of the waiters who was cooking our food at the table was putting some of his pork into a bowl, Adrian just said to him “you look hot”: I wasn’t sure what he meant by this, but it was rather amusing. We had this rice wine with cucumber too, which was bloody strong, and more like neat spirit than wine, but nice nevertheless. 

Went for a beer after in Giza Sunway (over the road) and I spotted a colleague at a table near us, with what first looked like his family, but it was another couple of colleagues! I was tempted to go and say hello, but by the time I drank enough beer to feel sociable, they had gone. 

Much as I wanted to spend the night drinking, I have to pack for tomorrow’s trip back to the UK, so I leave the boys to go to karaoke without me...

Eye Wateringly Hot Fish

Out with my friends Adrian and Edwin tonight for some food in Kota Damansara, in a local place called Lan Je Steamed Fish Restaurant. I asked for the hot version and the fish came out with about 3 inches of chilli and garlic piled on top of it! It was absolutely lovely food – but after a few mouthfuls it was a bit hot – and made my eyes water and nose run. I was trying to remember whether I had any meetings that I didn't really want to be at tomorrow, thinking thatI would get my revenge with very garlic chilli breath. To cool off, we went to this bar called Ecoba, in Damansara Perdana, where apparently on some Saturdays, men get 'free flow' - which I didn't quite believe...