Like Croydon, only hotter and not shit

The taxi I got into to go to work today wouldn’t take me at first, for whatever reason I don’t know, but then after I’d got out, he shouted across to the concierge and then let me get in! Weird – anyway, I (eventually) got into work: at the moment it’s quite nice that I have not got too many meetings lined up in the KL time zone, so I can actually get on with some work from stuff that’s arrived the evening before from the UK/US. And of course I can surf the internet at will! I still, however, haven’t been very good at delegating or declining meetings that are run from the UK that are late into the evening here – and I end up at one until about midnight. 

Before that, I head to the Jusco Chinese Supermarket down in the mall adjacent to the hotel, and it pongs of durian fruit – that oh-so-familiar stench of sweet rotting cheesy feet and petrol. I buy a variety of (unhealthy) snacks, which sorts of defeats the object of having soups and going to the gym daily, but I couldn’t resist the wasabi peas and hot chilli baked crisp things. I could resist, however, the drink labelled "Pocari Sweat". What the hell is a Pocari?

I did find a M&S here too – so in the immediate area of this hotel I have got a huge Tesco, an Ikea, a Waitrose and M&S! Petaling Jaya is like Croydon, only hotter.

And not shit.

Or full of chavs.

In the gym tonight there were loads of people doing ‘exercise’. I have put this in inverted commas because I don’t think that walking at a snail’s pace on the tread mill, or holding your hands above your head, or lying on the floor actually constitutes exercise! There’s also this young child in there clearly fascinated by me who runs up and introduces himself, tells me his name, where he is from and what he has done today. I start to reply and he stares at me, lets me finish my sentence and says, “Sorry Mister, I don’t speak or understand any English”

Right...

Newspaper Boy, More Apartments and Bill Effing Gates

I log onto the internet to check emails and there's a message from someone, who is clearly desperate - and from his profile picture he appears to be wearing nothing but a newspaper! 

Apparently he “had a pretty stressful Monday and was just about to wind down. I guess Monday blues are always unavoidable but definitely coming across such hot pics is the highlight of my day and maybe perhaps my week hehehe. Getting all hot and bothered just looking at it would be my honour to (..too rude to publish..); pretty wild and adventurous and certainly into pushing each others limits and fulfilling fantasies no matter how sick or devious they are, but before I scare you off with my over eagerness, it's not my fault you so irresistible”

And leaves his number. He was Scott, by the way. Scott the newspaper boy, and I delete the message... Sick or devious??! Good grief.

More apartment hunting today and Kelly picks me up at about 10 and we head off to Mont Kiara once more: I am really quite excited about the apartments I have got to see – the four I saw on Saturday were fantastic, so I am sure that these will be as nice, and I'm going to have a hard time choosing between them: it might come down to incredibly important things like – view, floor level (the higher the better), colour of sofa, how cute the doorman / guard / concierge is, cleanliness of loo (most are horrific by the way, oddly)...

First up is La Grande – great pool and gym, and the place is massive – 3 bedrooms, a study, 2 kitchens, a maid’s room (!) – very nice, but a little bit dated I thought, which was surprising, seeing as the block was only a couple of years old. This is a possibility – the location is good too, walking distance to shops and restaurants etc. No dishwasher, but apparently the owner (can’t remember her name, but I think it was 緯葵悪蔭) is desperate to sell, so we could be on for some hard bargaining. Funny, I was slightly disappointed with the fact it wasn’t as nice as the 4 I saw on Saturday, and I was hoping that the others would be better…and besides the balconies overlooked the motorway and the toll. I guess I could start a traffic report for the local radio station!

Anyway, swiftly moving on to Kairamas Sutera, not far from where we are now – the block is not a gleaming as this photo suggests: I guess this is what it used to look like 10 years ago. Anyway, the owner lets us in and he’s very enthusiastic about all the storage that he’s built into the place pointing out every cupboard that he’s built – literally along each wall there are built in cupboards that have seen better days and, well, it looks shit, bless him. On the upside, there is a great view of the Petronas and KL Towers – albeit through the small bedroom window. And if you are standing on the bed to get to that window – not for me this one…

Next is a rather grand sounding Hartemas Regency II – a brown block. Say no more really. It was ok I guess, a bit grubby, but loads of space. I was a bit disappointed that we were seeing these older blocks today when I’d been shown brand spanking new places on Saturday. Maybe I was being a bit precious now – but I had been shown some fantastic places on Saturday, and I was expecting to be seeing more of the same today. Anyway, there was no cooker in the kitchen, and the maid’s room was a cupboard: not for me this one. And the agent was really rude actually – didn’t look at me once. Cunt.

I have high hopes for the next one – The Royal Tower at Palma. Sounds really elegant. Another brown block, but nicer than the Regency II one. It was really dated, i think the block must have been completed in about 1990 or something and not been updated since – which is not good if you are a landlord charging the prices they charge: it was more expensive than the much better ones I had seen and not a patch on them, size wise, location etc. NEXT! Kelly was probably reading my mind and turned to me and said “I don-thing-this-one-for-you, but at least you get nice fish”, pointing to the huge koi carp in the pool... Yes, that’s going to make me want to take the apartment – koi carp in the pool. Hmm. 

Next on our list are what turns out to be 2 places in a block called Almaspuri  - not bad actually – lovely wooden floors and loads of things to do on site, including piano lessons and art classes! The first one was OK, though I think there were people still living there, judging by the food on the kitchen table. Just OK though… I was getting a bit despondent really, but at the end of the day, I don’t have to take any of these that I have seen today and go for one of the ones I saw on Saturday.  The second one was the same, but being renovated and would be ready in August. I made a remark about me being able to influence the décor and fixtures and fittings that was met with a fit of uncontrollable giggles from the agent. It wasn’t that funny – and I was being serious!

My favourite so far is still Tiffani, followed by the Solaris Dutamas ones – the one with a view of the city being my preference (and the landlady said she’s swap the furniture from the other apartment, which was better)

I was tired now, and luckily we were onto our last viewing – Kiaramas Ayuria. Now, we’d already seen a Kiaramas block earlier so I thought about just saying to forget it and to go for the Tiffani apartment, but I persevered and I’m glad I did! IT was lovely – about a year old, on the 27th floor or something like that, 3 beds, brand new kitchen, office, balcony with a view of the KL city skyline, it was really lovely! Furthermore, the maid’s room could sleep 2 maids! That’s the one for me: it was better than Tiffani and Solaris because of the views and a working balcony (the latter only had Juliette balconies  - I want to be able to sit outside and drink cups of gin tea.

The pool was a spectacle too: it was like a water park – the photo here only shows about a third of it. I like and this is definitely the one for me!

I just hope now that the negotiations go OK – Kelly has got my list of demands (though I do think that I might be pushing it with the dishwasher – I guess the maid could do all that for me!) so now all I do is wait to hear back. How very exciting!

Back to work in the afternoon from the hotel, as it’s about 3 pm when I finish the viewings. Stupidly I have left my power lead in the office, so it’s a good job that the fantastic new Office Outlook and Communicator that we have migrated to can be run from any computer. Shame, however, that Microsoft products are completely shit and I can’t actually access them from here without them keep bombing out with stupid fucking error messages that mean fuck all. I hate Bill Gates. So I call the help desk and want to put my hand down the telephone line and rip the support person’s head off when he tells me that connection issues are very rare, and asks me to reboot.    

Lazy Sunday

I got up much later than I have been the rest of the time I have been here – I really needed a lie in (playing Angry Birds all night doesn’t help) and I make myself a Waitrose filter coffee! How marvellous.

I feel that I need to be sorting things out today, but actually it is a lovely day and I want to chill before the start of the week ahead, so I wander down to the pool: it’s not bad, and deserted which is even better. The sun is incredibly hot, and even though I have put loads of lotion on, I fear that I am going to burn again, as I usually do when I am over here!

Just remember the Chinese lantern look form my last visit...

I was thinking a lot about the apartments this morning – I really want to get into one of the ones I saw yesterday – and I must make sure that Kelly negotiates the stuff I want supplied: microwave, dishwasher (of course!), washer/drier, and a water filter (even though the guide book does say that you can drink the water here, I have been told that you shouldn’t do really without boiling first).


Oh, and a maid. 


Oh, and hot water.

Anyway, back to the pool: I chill and then go for a swim, which is really great, and I pee in the pool. That’s tirrible, Mariel, and I best have a shower when I get back to the room…

I head back into the hotel as the sun goes in and it clouds over – and have become incredibly sticky: a storm is brewing I think… and I was right – no sooner than I had got to the room and opened the window to let out the air conditioned air, there was a terrific downpour and loads of flashing lightning and thunder. I was tempted to go for a swim in the pool, but knowing my luck I’d have been electrocuted and the staff would have found me lying face down floating in the pool, all frazzled.

Waitrose is here!

I really want to get some shopping in – I could do with a local SIM card and probably want to get some milk and coffee rather than use the teeny rations they give you in hotel rooms. I find the SIM, which is great, and then drawn strangely to a contact lens place where you don't need a prescription: Vision Express wouldn't give me more lenses in the UK, so I took advantage of this place and bough a year's worth! Well, I got a free umbrella with the purchase.

With my brolly and backpack full of lenses, I head to this Cold Storage shop that is supposed to be like a supermarket catering for mainly ex-pats, so I go check it out, just thought I’d get some milk, juice, water etc and I see the Waitrose aisle! How fucking fantastic – there’s not even a Waitrose in Streatham Hill, yet there are Waitrose goods in Kuala Lumpur!

I buy Waitrose filter coffee, but I seriously doubt on this occasion that I have never knowingly been undersold…

Apartment hunting

Wake up early again with the alarm as I have my induction to Malaysia with Jo-Ann, the representative for the relocation services out here. She talks about driving over here, and where the better shopping centres are etc, and she’s really sweet. Then she takes me to her colleague, Kelly, who is going to take me round a load of apartments today – I hope I find something that I want!

We start in Bangsar – this is an area that I wanted to live in, as it even sounds trendy! There are loads of shopping malls and restaurants, and it is relatively near to the bus and train stations, so getting about is easy. We drive round some great places in what looks like a really fantastic residential part of the city, great mansion houses residential gated tower blocks, loads of shopping etc. I can see myself here!

The first place we look at is called Bangsar Tivoli: this ancient old Chinese thing opened the door and there was a smell that was probably due to damp or mould wafting out of the place. I was really really disappointed but tried to contain my feelings as it was the first place I had seen.

The place needed doing up really badly, and there was mildew and black mould on the shower curtain in the bathroom and the kitchen looked like it needed a really good scrub. Such a shame, as I really imagined that when I had heard someone commenting that the apartments in Bangsar were all a bit dowdy and old, I imagined they were being picky. They weren't.

Anyway, with the owner practically begging me to make a decision on this place we left and moved to the next one: the Nomad Residences properties (the ones that were sent through by the relocation people), which looked amazing. And they were: lovely reception, great apartment, fantastic pool but they were not available until October!! Shit! Things were not looking good and I was really quite disheartened.

Next on the list was Sri Penaga, which was a million times better than Tivoli, if not a bit old fashioned: quite a decent complex, shops, fit man by the pool, and the apartment is actually OK – things are looking up again and I can see myself here actually: even though the place is a little dated – they ought to update these apartments really, as they are not that cheap and we international travellers do expect a home from home really.

Anyway, we move from there to Mont Kiara – and I didn’t really want to like anything here as it seemed a bit far away from any public transport. However, the first place - Tiffani - was probably the nicest place I have seen all day: we were shown two in the block, both brand new and ready for me to move into! Where do I sign!?

I am dragged away from there to the IZen apartments: a bit smaller than the others and you have to sort of go outside to a zen-type garden to get to the bedrooms. Very nice, and very modern, but maybe not for me, seeing as I would probably get pissed and fall over the wooden platforms over the white stones to get to bed…

The landlord (Peter) was very keen to let to me as well, which was nice, but I still have a few others to see. Tiffani is still my favourite, then IZen. Bangsar does not even come a close 19th.

We had to park underground as the visitors parking was full, but even following the exit signs Keluar couldn’t get out. Not even after asking the guard, who pointed us in the directions that we had come from already and been round twice! Grr!

Our last stop, after finally escaping the car park of doom, was a couple of apartments in an ultra modern, new (I.e. unfinished) block above a massive shopping centre called Solaris Dutamas.

They looked fine actually, and indeed they were. The owner met us and let us park (underground, argh!) in the residents parking and took us to the apartment. It was fucking fantastic! I loved it, and it was really me. The other one in the block, same price but a bit smaller (actually better use of space) was better in my opinion: better view, nice furniture etc, and Kelly took me to see another one in a third block with even nice furniture. I want any of the last 4 that I have seen – Tiffani first, then the last one then the mad woman’s one and then Peter’s.

Arrival and settling in

I’ve arrived in Kuala Lumpur (after an Economy flight from Singapore, ugh!) and get a smoke filled taxi to the hotel – the One World in Petaling Jaya – which is surprisingly nice (despite some very loud Chinese woman doing some sort of karaoke in the lobby, which was rather deafening…) Anyway, I get to the room and unpack my stuff – I'm here for about 10 days whilst I get the apartment sorted out: am seeing about 10 on Saturday, so hopefully I’ll be out of hotel living quite soon. First thing is the lovely Bose docking station and I am able to unpack to my own music – which drowns out the noise of the television, which is making some very strange electronic buzzing sound. I unplug it just to be on the safe side…

The taxi ride here sort of re-affirms my nervousness about driving over here, it’s all very chaotic and going to get some used to, but I am sure it’ll be fine once I have mastered it: even the annoying smoking non-stop-talking taxi driver said that driving was a challenge over here. Great!

Well I decided that I should go into the office on the Friday to get the first day thing over and done with: I was rudely woken by the alarm at about 8ish as I had ordered a breakfast for 8.30 to give me plenty of time to relax before heading into the office at 11. It’s all a bit disorientating really and I feel like crap. I didn’t get to sleep till about 3 am, as I was playing Angry Birds!

The first day wasn’t so bad – I get through it somehow, and then off home: not sure what to do tonight, as living in a hotel miles from the city centre – but I am jet lagged and need to go to the gym, so I’ll do that.

I get home and wander to the shopping centre next door, which at first looks completely shit, but as I got further into it, it was just like all the others in KL – full of fantastic shops! I was looking for a phone shop to get a SIM card so that I don’t spend a fortune on roaming charges, but there doesn’t seem to be much choice – only 1 or 2, so I need to investigate further tomorrow. Anyway, back to the hotel and I venture to the gym and do a bit of exercise, which was really fucking hard work actually, and then get back here for room service, which was going to be completely unhealthy, but seeing as I have just done a load of sweating in the gym, I thought better of it and have a very healthy salad instead. BORING.

More champagne, Sir...?

It seems that I have been leaving the UK for ages now: and with all the various leaving drinks etc, I probably have...

I finish off the packing and the car picks me up at 5.30 to take me to the airport – woo hoo!! I love travelling business class, the riff raff in Terminal Three are horrendous, so it’s fucking fantastic being able to breeze into the lounge and drink the free alcohol and eat cheese. The flight is called and I head to the gate, and, as my ticket is scanned, it comes up with “not checked in”. I was about to kick off until, almost unbelievably, the gate guy says that he has some good news and issues me a new boarding pass – First Class on BA to Singapore! What a way to start my trip!

Naturally I text everyone and update my Facebook profile with this news.