Fire! Shit!!

As I am leaving for work this morning the apartment fire alarms go off, and I assume it was a drill and hoped that the place wasn’t ablaze, however, I didn’t get an letter to say that they were testing the evacuation, nor was there a note in the lobby area to warn about this, so I did begin to wonder. Anyway, I press the lift button and then think that perhaps I oughtn’t to use the lifts whilst the alarms are sounding, just in case, so I make my way down the emergency stairs…

By the time I get to the 15th floor, I am sweating like a pig and recall something that the management office said about the fire exits doors – they were one-way: once inside the stairwell, you were not able to get out back into the main building. I hoped this wasn’t true – at least not until I got down to the lobby floor, as I didn’t fancy being trapped inside the (deserted) fire exit stairwell amongst the building debris, cockroaches and human excrement.

Yes, human shit.

On the 5th floor fire exit stairwell there was a pile of turd on the stairs with scrunched up newspaper around it with shit smears on it. The dirty bastards.

Now I really hoped that I could get out on the lobby floor (indeed access to the internal floors was not possible). Thankfully the lobby fire door was propped open and I could escape…I really did not relish the prospect of being trapped in the stairwell for the whole day before someone opened the doors.

Phew. 

Or Poo, whatever…

No-You-May-Not-Bank

May-Not-Bank

With my visa sorted out I am now able to open a local bank account, so I will be able to get my allowances paid in a local currency and avoid exchange charges, and also to be able to book cinema tickets online (for some reason, you need a Malaysian credit card to do this, and not just any old credit card).

Knowing how things work here, I do a bit of ground work first, finding out exactly what you need to do to get an account opened – and from all my sources, the same answer: a passport (with work visa), proof of local address, proof of work, proof of income and a minimum of 500RM. So I arm myself with all the ID I can muster, my passport (with work visa), 500RM and make my way down to the local Maybank branch in Mont Kiara to open an account.

I am seen by 憶雯 (Gertrude) and say that I want to open an account and she looks me up and down and asks what type of account I want to have – listing about ten different ones, with their differences, without taking a breath.

“Umm, a current account with online access please?” I reply.

Nodding profusely she demands to see my passport and eagerly looks for the visa, looking almost disappointed when she finds it, but then adds “ah, you must have at least 6 months left on your visa to be able to apply” and hands the passport back.

“Umm, the visa expires in October 2011 – there’s a year left on it…?”

Then she demands to see proof of my address, income and employer, which I hand over to her and after scrutinising them closely, she then scrutinises me again and says that I need to have a deposit of at least 1000RM. I was told that 500RM would be enough, but I had the foresight to double that.

“Is cash OK?” I reply.

Narrowing her eyes at me she then says that I cannot have an account at Maybank without a personal reference from someone who has banked with them for more than a year.

“What?”

She’s happy now – she got me. She quickly repeats it and says once I have got that, I need to apply online for the account and come back 3 days after I have applied, with all the evidence again – including this new requirement of a personal recommendation – and she will review the application and make a decision.

“Thank you very much,” I reply to her face. “Fuck you, Maybank, and your ridiculousness, I’ll not be giving you any of my business” is what I am thinking inside. Anyway, I get back home and decide to apply online, as I am not easily beaten and I almost want to just open an account and keep 1RM in it forever just to piss them off. What the buggery bollocks has my religion got to do with anything? Or my marital status? Or my height?

After lying through the application form (I am a 6 foot 5, married Buddhist earning more than 50000RM a month) I am accepted by Maybank as a customer, and I should pop into my branch to complete the process.

No mention at all of any personal recommendation: you were talking bollocks, Gertrude.

Road Safety Campaign

The radio campaign this week is for driving properly – in particular:

• Don't drive through red lights – red means stop!
• Look behind you before you pull out, and remember to Indicate, Indicate, Indicate!
• Don't drink and drive

If you do these, then you won’t end up dead in a pool of blood on the side of the road, apparently.

Tweet Tweet

After work today I arrange to have drinks (and food) with a colleague who has just arrived from the UK and is also over here on an assignment for several months. We head to Souled Out for the evening – where we drink one too many beers and have a couple of cocktails. I know that I am going to feel bad tomorrow, but it’s great to get a little drunk once in a while.

All of a sudden, the relatively decent music stopped and this vaguely familiar sounding music started up, followed by a commotion near the waiting station, and the Birdie Song started to blare out.

All the staff had to stop what they were doing and do the dance. I started to feel completely sorry for them, but then realised that the were actually enjoying themselves. Completely cringe worthy.

Genting Highlands - Malaysian Playground

I have taken the day off today as I thought that I’d be back a lot later than I was after the weekend’s antics in the jungle, and decide to drive out to the Genting Highlands – nearly every taxi driver that I got to work during the time before having a car asked if I have been there, as they are fantastic – so I was, therefore, expecting a lot more than is actually there...

Two hotels, a very smoky casino (smoking still allowed indoors here) and a rather crap theme park consisting of a roller coaster, big wheel and a couple of other rides. Inside one of the hotels there was this Las Vegas-esque interpretation (abomination) of major cities – London, New York, Paris, Kuala Lumpur, plus a dinosaur emerging from a skyscraper, and the Statue of Liberty riding on the back of a motorcycle. All very odd. And a bit shit.

"New York"

"London"

"Paris"

I had a few goes on some of the slot machines and roulette table, but to be honest it wasn’t particularly interesting, and was quite happy to get out to some fresh air. I was quite hungry by this point but nothing really grabbed me – especially the Frogleg porridge…

Still, it was worth the trip up the road to the summit, as the views looking out were fantastic. The road up was like a funfair ride in itself – three lanes of a winding road full of hairpin bends which made the return journey fun, bombing down and overtaking busloads of (presumably) penniless Chinese and Singaporean gamblers. I stop on the way down at the Chinese Temple – Chin Swee Caves – which was far more inspiring than the casino - and was amazed at the sheer size of the buddha that overlooked the place.

Land Ahoy!

Had to get up quite early again today

1. to make sure I got breakfast
2. to get the boat back to Jerantut

so after packing all my stuff up, I took a final look about the chalet and whilst I was out on the veranda, I looked up to the rafters to see a rather sinister looking family of bats! That explained some of the nocturnal noises I heard last night and the night before…

I met up it the other, handed my (final) ticket to get on the boat and off we went back down the river – this time we were going with the currents, so it was slightly faster than the journey here (3 hours rather than 4); the advantage here was also the fact that if we conked out again, at least we’d eventually end up at the pick up place in Jerantut!

Except, of course, if you run aground.

Which we did, so the men (women were not allowed to get out of the boat) had to get out and push the boat off the mud bank that we had landed on, getting soaked again… We finally made it back, for our final lunch stop (chicken rice, bleh) and then the coach back to Chinatown. 

I’d had a really good time, and was really pleased that the other people on this trip were normal, making it that much more enjoyable. Time to book my next excursion...

Farting Mud

Another wet ride along the river and we stopped for a swim and wade in the mud, which was really odd: it was so aerated that it was soft and squishy, and every time you moved, you sank half a foot and loads of huge bubbles farted up around your legs. There was a rope swing that everyone mad a dash for to swing and jump into the river (not me, I add, my back was really playing up – God I felt old!). Poor Kristiina, the lesbanonian Estonian, she made the swing but let go too early and fell on her arse in front of the other 20 or so 20 year olds. Oh the shame…

Whilst squishing my feet in the mud and getting a mini Jacuzzi from the bubbles, I felt that familiar nibbling at my feet, and it was some of those same fish from the Fish Spa in Central Market. Well, at least I hoped it was and not some river dwelling nastiness that was about to chomp at my toes! Time to head back for dinner and our final ride up the river. This time we raced against another group and took it in turns to drench each other! 

I was tempted to have dinner in the hotel rather than the floating restaurant, as the food was not exactly superb, and by all accounts the restaurant food looked really nice. I changed my mind though as Elvis, Ji Young and the Estonians were going to have dinner together in the floating restaurant, so I decided to join them. The Dutch guys went to the restaurant, and though they did suggest we all went, I think secretly they wanted dinner on their own – which of course was fine. It was really nice to spend the final night with the rest of the group chatting over dinner (amazingly, not chicken rice, but we couldn’t really tell what the meat was - we just hoped it wasn’t one of the cats that was hanging around the chalets!).

The Dutch guys joined us later and we chatted until the restaurant owners turned out the lights, as a hint for us to leave, and we retired to our respective accommodation – with me, Helery and Kristiina detouring to the bar for some alcohol  – the floating restaurant (along with the others on the other side of the river) were all non-alcohol serving.

Orang Asli Actors

The rapids ride takes us to the local village for a snoop at the Orang Asli – the native people. I could have skipped this part of the day as it first felt like a bit of an intrusion and then it felt very staged – and a couple of us commented that the Orang Asli were probable a bunch of actors - we did spy their new shoes, Marlboro cigarettes and mobile phones... We are a cynical bunch!

Some bits were quite cool – like the boy who could start a fire using just wood (I’m easily pleased) and making the darts for the blow pipes – which were then used to shoot at the Winnie the Pooh target!

Be Prepared To Get Wet...

During the short boat ride back to the floating restaurant for lunch (chicken rice) our guide reminded us that we were going to get wet this afternoon and we ought to wear shorts and slippers (I assumed he meant flip flops or something like that). 

I was a bit concerned about this – just how wet were we going to get? I don’t think Helery was particularly enamoured by the thought of getting soaked either… Lunch over, I change into a vest and swimming trunks under my shorts, just in case, and we get back in the boat to make our way to the next part of the excursion - a visit to a local village via "riding the rapids": I didn’t think that we would be doing this in the taxi we were in, but I was wrong. We did see another boat ahead of us full of drenched passengers and the boatman bailing out the boat with a small bucket and wondered how they got so wet...and before I know it, I am completely and utterly soaked as our guide sticks the oars in the water as we ride the rapids, causing virtually all the river to be poured into the boat... 

There was no point whatsoever wearing the trunks under the shorts… It was fun though, and it’s not long before i am dried out – I love this weather!

Trekking In and Above The Trees

I’m woken up throughout the night with buzzing, chirping, scratching and all sorts of other wildlife noises that I block out using earplugs. Bloody nature.

This morning we are going on a trek into the jungle, so after my breakfast (coffee) I am waiting to get my taxi ride on the jetty with a whole load of Scandinavians who are being herded into one of the wooden boat with their entire luggage. They look really doubtful and start arguing with the boatman that the boat will take the weight (I am not convinced either – 12 or so 6 foot Scandinavians plus all their luggage…) so I leave them to it and get into a water taxi that takes me to the others in my group, via all the other drop off points first (at least I got an extended journey). Finally, he dropped me off at the Floating restaurant where the others are waiting, having finished their breakfast of chicken rice...

Today’s activities start with a trek into the rainforest – this is about 5 km up and down a sort of well-trodden path, ending up at this viewpoint called Teresek Hill. The place is lovely, and I was really surprised that it was not so overcrowded with other tourists / trekkers – the resort has a limited accommodation, so I guess it makes sense that the numbers of people that are wandering about the place is also pretty limited. It’s quite a strenuous hike and I'm glad when we reach the furthest point, which offers great views of the jungle. If it weren’t for the large wasp like things plaguing us, it would have been perfectly relaxing!

After resting for a while, we head back down to the Canopy Walkway – which was the largest in the world before it broke! This didn’t sound too promising, but in fact, it hadn’t really broken, more like a tree had fallen onto it and blocked the way, so only half was actually walkable. That was fine actually, as it was quite rickety and very hair raising...

Lions and Tigers and Bears - oh my!

Our surly tour guide ran through the itinerary for the next few days, explaining what else was (and was not) available for us, making a really big deal about getting our passes for using cameras and walking in the rainforest sorted out as soon as possible. Apparently we would be fined 10,000MYR if we didn't take our passes with us.

He also gave us a whistle-stop tour of where to find our accommodation, and I was a little bit embarrassed at this point: as he was describing the accommodation, he made a really BIG deal about how expensive the 5-star accommodation was over the other side of the river is. When he asked if anyone of us was staying at the REALLY EXPENSIVE 5-STAR accommodation, I put my hand up slowly, and he looked at me, my luggage (again) and rolled his eyes, smiling.

After all that, we were left to our own devices to check in and relax, which meant for me (and the two French girls) getting a taxi across the river. They were not French after all – one was Estonian (Kristiina), the other was Irish (Helery) and seemed really nice. I suspected they were together as they had the air of lesbanon about them.

We checked in (they were staying in the hostel on this side, so it really was just me staying in the expensive bit!) and I had chalet 93 – about 250m away, which doesn’t seem that far, but in the sweltering heat, carrying luggage, it was. I was not sure about the 5-star standard, but at least I had air conditioning, a toilet and hot water.

I hate mosquitos

I had arranged to meet Kristiina and Helery at the jetty to get a taxi back over the Floating Restaurant for dinner – chicken rice (again) before our guide met us for the night safari. Off we trekked with our torches and mosquito repellent into the jungle. I wasn’t sure what to expect really, but it was a little bit disappointing – not much more than a walk along a path into the very outskirts of the rainforest and whilst I was expecting to see some decent nocturnal wildlife, all we managed to find were about three stick insects, a glow work and a couple of humungous spiders – I wanted lions and tigers and bears!

Oh my.

Still, it was quite good as a bonding session for the group, as we all were getting on with each other really well by the end of it. It’s amazing what a spider or two can do…

The end of the safari took us to just about where my chalet was, which was a bit of a result and I left the group for the night. It was a bit creepy in the room – strange noises and a few insects buzzing about the place… well, what did I expect? I did have the additional mice poo on one of the beds, which sort of made my mind up which one to sleep in!

Elvis Saves The Day

Lunch over we are herded onto this clapped out old VW campervan and driven about 20 minutes to the jetty to board our boat to take us on our 4 hour journey deeper into to the rainforest. It’s a wooden boat, very typical of what you’d expect, and seats about 12 people, 2 in each seat. With all of us on board plus our luggage (mine looking the most ridiculous amongst that belong to my fellow boat travellers) we are pretty low in the water which is slightly disturbing especially when you consider we have got about 4 hours to go. Still, what I have to remember is that these guys know exactly what they are doing, and i trust they know the weight limit of the boats.

I don't think there are crocodiles in this part of the country either...

And so we’re off – what a fantastic way to travel. We speed through the river upstream, navigating the currents and swinging from left to right hand of the riverbank, which gives brilliant views of the bank sides, with all the lush vegetation, wildlife (monkeys, water buffalo, some skinny cows, exotic birds) and, as we sweep from bank to bank, views up and downstream. Absolutely stunning: I feel really relaxed as I lie back in my (surprisingly comfortable) wooden seat and allow the sun to warm my face and the wind to cool me down. Bliss! I’m sat next to this young black guy who sleeps most of the way, which seems a bit silly really – I’d want to spend every minute looking at what’s around me and taking in the ride. Elvis and Jiyoung are sitting behind me, and it’s cool that we are all alone, as we’ve started chatting to each other. 

I feel very relaxed now.

About an hour into the journey, the engine starts to splutter and then conks out. My initial reaction is that of a bit of non-concern: these trips have been going on for years and the boatman are very experienced, so I just think that he’ll get it started again. He then ask whether anyone has a pair of pliers and a knife, and has taken apart the motor fuel lines. Hmm, maybe we really are fucked! Great, I am stranded on a wooden boat and drifting downstream on a river running through a jungle in the middle of nowhere without any mobile signal. 

Suddenly I am not so relaxed…

Elvis saves the day as he’s got a penknife, with both a pair of pliers on and, of course, a knife! After farting about with the engine, for about 30 minutes, the driver restarts it and we’re off! Later on, when we were discussing this over dinner, we did wonder whether it was part of the tour, but that’s just because it turns out that we are all cynical bastards! Funny enough though, it got everyone talking to each other, so maybe…

There are a few more splutters and engine failures before we reach our final destination – the Taman Negara resort, specifically the Floating Restaurant, where we disembark and are met by a ‘welcoming party’. Actually, the guy was really quite rude and sounded like he’d given this welcoming speech so many times before. Granted, he probably had, but he at least could have pretended – after all, he was probably getting paid quite a bit for this.

Actually, he probably wasn't. 

He looked at my luggage as it got unloaded and smiled to himself. 

Cockless Me

Our first stop on the journey to the jungle is in Jerantut where we need to pick up a boat to continue our journey. We also stop for lunch which is (the first of many) a chicken rice dish, which actually wasn’t that bad – and I get chatting to one of the other people on the group – Elvis, from Hong Kong. He’s on his own too but has already befriended someone else on the trip – a young Korean girl called Jiyoung, the dirty dog. 

Anyway, he’s pleasant enough and I am feeling a whole lot better about this trip than I was – the group size (assuming that we are the group) is only 10 people – so far there is Elvis, Jiyoung, a couple from Holland, two girls from France and the French family of four that I'd nodded to at the tour operator base. And no annoying loud American or German tourists. 

We have to wait a while for the next bus to come and take us to the jetty, so we have time kill, and I'm looking at all the other tours they operate, minding my own business, when I tune into a conversation between the tour staff (a rather fierce looking Indian woman and a man of about 90). She's going on – in a really puzzled tone – about “Cock-less me? Blanched cock-less me?”, and referring back to this book. 

Naturally, I am intrigued, so I pretend to be interested in one of the tours and have a look at the book she’s reading from – it’s a cookbook. She was reading out a recipe for steamed clam noodles: 'cock-less' were, in fact, cockles, and 'mee' are noodles.

5-Star Jungle Venture

I've booked a trip to Taman Negara - the National Park / Rainforest / Jungle for this weekend - and I thought that a package deal would be the best thing to do, as I am travelling on my own and it's a chance to meet (hopefully) likeminded people. 

It may be a trek to the jungle, but I still don't want to slum it, so get a limo to pick me up at 7am to take me to Petaling Street, where the tour operator is based. I pull up to the rendez-vous, and step out of the limo with my new hand-luggage to a load of 20-something backpackers who just stare at me and my luggage and the limo. I am ridiculous.

Anyway, gradually most people go on their way and there are a few other people left about, presumably to go on the same trip as me – a French family and a whole load of Vietnamese girls. Alas, the latter don’t get on the same bus as me, which is a shame, as it may have made the long journey go with some entertainment. 

Actually, the bus, which I thought would be packed, is still almost empty as we head on our way. The first stop is for lunch and registration at the tour offices in Jerantut where we get given our itineraries and tickets to the various buses, boats, restaurants, tours etc. My package includes the following (each one with a separate ticket– so by the time they issue me with all of them, I have killed a couple of trees!)

• Night Jungle Walk, Visit Tahan Hide – observation point
• Jungle Trekking to Teresek Hill
• Walk on the worlds longest Canopy Walkway
• Visit Orang Asli Village
• Boat journey to shoot the 7 major rapids

Armed with my paperwork, I am on my way...!

Food, Glorious Food

I fancy Chinese.

Maybe I should rephrase that. 

I fancy eating Chinese food tonight and I head out towards Petaling Jaya and off the beaten track a bit towards Seksyen 22 (SS22), to a place called Restoran Ahwa, which is supposedly famous for lovely hokkien mee. I also have some steamed stingray, as it came recommended, and a Penang pancake. 

Lily

I was going to have some green tea, but then spotted Heineken - so had a huge bottle of that instead, much to the delight of the beer waitress, Lily (I don’t expect she was called that, but when she laughed (a lot) she looked like Pam Ann’s Lily character). She was great, actually, very chatty and friendly – and kept coming over to talk gibberish to me whilst she topped up my glass. At one point, she leaned in towards me and whispered, “I bored. No one drink beer here. You first customer for long time. Tee hee hee. You wan more beer?”

Alas no

Much as I could have had more of the food, I wanted to try another place that had been recommended for deserts which was nearby (KTZ Food in SS22). It looked a bit like a fast food burger place, but just sold deserts – so I had three: a mango pearl ice desert (sago), a hot peanut blancmange and a lychee and macadamia soup. The mango and lychee deserts were lovely – unusual, but lovely – but I would happily never have hot peanut blancmange again.

The nice thing about going to the gym is that I am able to go out and enjoy going to recommended places for certain bits of food and not feel too guilty...

Lychee soup

Peanut blancmange

Mango sago

Get Lost

I decide to take a different way into the office today, as I am trying to find the way the taxi drivers took me which would avoid the Sri Hartamas route, which is snarled on a Friday due to prayers. I set off OK, and the roads look familiar, but Daniel (UK, English - the GPS voice) tells me to do a U-turn nearby, which I don’t ever remember the cab drivers doing.

As I don’t want to get lost, I follow the directions and I am sort of on a familiar road – the one where there are road works to put a new road into the Palace opposite where I am living… so I am on the right tracks. I get so far along the way and things are not looking too familiar, and then I am instructed to “keep right on Lebuhraya Sprint, keep right” which takes me off the main road and in towards Bangsar. Not wanting to get lost, I follow.

Then suddenly Daniel (UK English) starts panicking and saying “recalculating, recalculating” whilst I head in towards the city, in the wrong direction.

Great.

After Daniel (UK English) recalculates a new route for me, I end up on Jalan Parlamen, which was probably intended to get me back to heading towards work - only for him to direct me right up to the police block outside the Kuala Lumpur Parliament Offices! I smile at the guards and do a U-turn, all the time Daniel telling me he is “recalculating”, and I head back down and get back to the spot just before Bangsar.

I eventually get onto the familiar roads and make it into the office twenty minutes after I should have been. Someone in the office looked at their watch when I came in, and I mentally decked them.

I try a new journey home tonight, trying to retrace my journey to the office, and I got lost again! Unbelievable! Well, to be honest, the roads junctions are so complicated and it’s not always obvious how to just go back in the other direction:

 

BA-stards

It's funny how time flies - I've been out here for just over two months already, and before long I'll be back in the UK, so I spend time tonight planning places to travel to over the next few months – and start by booking myself a long weekend away to Vietnam – Ho Chi Minh City – in November. How very exciting: but I am concerned that I'm not going to get to go everywhere I want to. Definites include Cambodia, Laos, China, Thailand - Bangkok and islands and Indonesia... a lot of places!

I had been trying to get a free flight to Sydney next year with my BA air miles, but the website keeps crashing, and when I try to get the details displayed so I can call British Airways directly, there are no rewards flights left form December to March!

BA-stards.

Munch Munch Splat

I get woken up at about 2 am with a strange sensation on the back of my leg and have the feeling I am being bitten – surely a mosquito bite wouldn’t wake me up? It did, and I saw it sitting right next to me licking it’s proboscis having just munched my legs and toes. I got up, fetched the spray and chased the fucker round the room and then splattered it, spilling my blood on the floor.

I hate mosquitoes.

Dim Sum, Any Old Iron, Koi Et Un Petit Morceau De La France Dans Le Foret Tropicale

I love having a car: I am able to drive wherever I want and I decide I want to head out of town. With two guides (Charles and Garmin) to help me, we start by having dim sum on Jalan Ipoh (delicious) and browse the goods of this man selling antiques by the side of the road – a collection of old irons, Chinese coins and a telephone (rather eclectic, to say the least).

Dim sum lunch over, we head down Jalan Ipoh and turn into Sentul – where the Malaysian Railway Works used to be, but has been turned into, amongst other things, a Performing Arts Centre. I see a few fliers for "arty stuff" that I will probably give a miss. It’s an interesting place, architecturally, but we are chased away by a rather over zealous guard for taking photos. 


Oh well, I managed to get a few snaps of the park anyway.

There's also a Japanese Koi farm here, which has a load of concrete tanks with increasingly older and larger Koi in each. As I approached the tanks, they all swam towards what I suppose to them is a watery dark shadow, jumping out of the water, clearly waiting to be fed – poor, starving fish! I'm glad they were not piranha...

Bukit Tinggi, about 30 km away, is our next stop: there are Botanical Gardens, a Japanese Tea house and, weirdly, a mock French village. Anyway, sounded interesting, so we hit the road north west of the city towards the Genting Highlands (gambling heaven, apparently): Bukit Tinggi is a bit further away, but in that general direction. We stop at a McDonalds drive through to get a coffee, despite being against my principles to give any money to Ronald. Still, there was nothing else about, so it’d have to do. I then thought that I ought to get a Touch’N’Go card to flash at the tolls on the way to and from work. Alas, like many things in Malaysia as I have been finding out, there are a lot of good ideas, but then nothing in place to keep them going – so it was actually quite difficult to get hold of one of these Touch’N’Go cards... I buy curry puffs instead as compensation.

Coffee and curry puff in hand, we head up towards the highlands and start to climb... higher and higher and there were times that I thought that the car wouldn’t make it, and as I had never driven an automatic before, I wasn’t really sure how to handle almost vertical hill climbing in a huge limousine! I pissed about with the gears and somehow sorted the struggle out and the car moved again.

First stop The Botanical Gardens and Japanese Tea House. We walked through the forest, taking photos of all the magnificent plants and trees up there – it was slightly cooler here, with a breeze that was totally refreshing and so much more pleasant than the humidity and mugginess in the city. 


It’s really lovely, and after munching our curry puffs we head back down to the car and make tracks for the Colmar Tropical French Resort, just over the road.

Hmm – a little bit of France in the Malaysian rainforest! It’s very tacky, but funny nevertheless. We have a coffee in the ‘Patisserie’ and there was a special deal on, where you could have a basket of three pastries and a coffee for 15RM – a bargain, seeing as a coffee on it’s own was 12RM. Typically though, when we asked for two of these baskets, there was only one left and the servers didn't seem to be able to decide whether we could make up our own 3 pastries from the other selections. Oh well, it wasn't worth bothering about, settled for the one basket instead – which consisted of a warm croissant, two fruit muffins and, oddly, a slice of bread. I assumed that it was there to absorb moisture from the warm pastries and stop them from going soggy, but I’m not convinced that any baskets went back with the bread still there…

It’s approaching 5 and I didn’t really want to be driving about these very winding and steep roads in the dark, so we head off back to KL, via a small village (Kampung Bukit Tinggi) stopping to take a look about the village, and at the fantastic selection of local fruit and vegetables (including red bananas!), which we eat with some delicious steamed fish whilst letting the torrential rain (almost) pass over.

Friday Food, Film and More Food

I decide to head to this Japanese place called Ikkyu in Taman Desa for dinner tonight (and again, not in a shopping centre!). The menu was really extensive, with lots of things I didn't recognise, and with about five waiting staff hovering around me itching to take my order, I feel a bit pressured and settle on a set dish, consisting of beef teriyaki, miso soup, potato salad, tofu, plus other delicious items, and a not-so-delicious weird steamed egg blancmange thing, plus all the green tea I could stomach. 

The staff seemed completely fascinated with me, for some reason: it’s not as if I would have been the only Westerner they’d have ever seen, but I guess as this place was off the beaten track a bit, maybe  just not that often. What was very amusing was the music changed almost as soon as it registered there was a Westerner in the restaurant – from rather soothing Japanese elevator music to awful Chinese cover versions including The Carpenters’ “I Won Last A Day Without You”, Simon and Garfunkel’s “Mrs Robinson” and Mary Hopkin’s “Those Were The Days My Fren”.

...not the clown featured in The Hole

Food over (about £10) I head into the city and The Pavilion to see a film – not much really grabbed me, but settled for The Hole. The film started about an hour later, so I wandered down to the outside walkway to find some refreshments: I really wanted a G&T (well it’s Friday night) and so walked straight passed all the coffee shops and into this odd temporary inflatable little bar and had a large Bombay Sapphire.

The film was complete shit, featuring bad dialogue, crap story and a stupid clown jester thing that comes to life: it’s supposed to be about the things you fear coming to get you via this hole under this house. Enough said.

The problem with Japanese food is that, although very tasty, one burp later you are hungry again, so I wandered down Bukit Bintang to Jalan Alor (where all the best street food sellers are) and have some black hokkien mee – thick noodles with a delicious dark sweet sticky sauce, prawns, chicken and, the best bit – pork crackling! It was absolutely gorgeous – though probably very bad for you. I was really glad to get out on a Friday night, and be in town at a food hawker stall, taking in all the smells of cooking and absorbing the atmosphere

Who's Gonna Drive You Home?

I've been trying to sort out renting a car with this company called Orix – I had contacted them 2-3 times over the last few weeks to say I was interested in hiring one of their cars, but had got nothing in response. So I re-sent one of the emails to them and this guy replies back saying that he must have “deleted my correspondences”.

Cheers, tosser.

Anyway, I call him up to arrange the rental over the phone, but he’s at lunch – but will "definitely call me back".

He doesn’t, tosser.

I call again over the following couple of days and this elusive guy still wouldn't return my calls, so I arrange with another company, Mayflower, who were more than happy to talk to me. I then send Orix an email to tell them what I thought of their Customer Services, and they how they could stick their car rentals up their Orix.

My new car

The lovely lady from Mayflower, Evadura, is really efficient, and my car will be with me the following day...I am a little bit apprehensive about this as driving in Malaysia (especially Kuala Lumpur) is somewhat chaotic, for want of a better word. Granted: they do drive on the same side of the road as the UK, but other than the fact there is tarmac on the road, the similarity pretty much ends there.

On the very, VERY plus side, though, I will have my independence back and the freedom of just getting in a car and going somewhere! How exciting!

Strong Wind and Banana Leaf in Bangsar

I was going to the gym this morning, but Charles messages me and says he’s going over to the Mid Valley Mall, and did I want to come? I have never been there, so I thought it’d be something else to experience (though in reality, it is just another shopping mall). 

He picks me up and we head over towards Bangsar and after he’s had his hair cut, we go for some lunch in a great Indian place called Sri Nirwana Maju where the food was served on banana leaves and was completely delicious. It was really busy there, and to coincide with the Singapore Grande Prix, there was a sort of roadshow on the street next to us, which was slightly irritating as it was so loud. OK, we could have moved somewhere else, but the food lived up to its reputation of being fantastic.

Oddly enough, it must have been Allah’s will not to let this roadshow go on, as about 10 minutes of it starting, this huge gust of wind blew the inflatable stage away down the street!

After there we made a quick stop at the night market (opens from 3 pm to 7 pm, so more of an afternoon market really) and then to Bangsar Village supermarket, which was a) much nicer than Tesco and b) cheaper than Cold Storage.

I head to the gym later this afternoon, as I did scoff pizza and 3 bags of Tesco crisps yesterday for dinner…

Tesco Value Shit

After a lovely swim, I decide that I want to go to this shopping area called The Curve (where Ikea is) and check out the huge Tesco (that I could see from the One World Hotel I used to stay in) to get groceries etc. I'm also on the look out for a sun lounger - and I am sure it's the sort of thing a huge Tesco would stock.

What a shit hole. 

I thought that the UK branches were bad – but the one here at The Curve is horrible. I was expecting something like a Tesco Extra in the UK, but no. The only way you could recognise it was a Tesco was a sparse selection of the Tesco Value range items. There was a good selection of local fruit and veg, but I was put off the fish and chicken as they were just in open bins, with everyone just putting their hands in and sloshing about in chicken / fish juice, grabbing what they needed: and it stank.

I felt like I needed a shower afterwards.

Taxi home, I need to chill for the day and Skype Kristian and Mike, which was great, if not a bit frustrating as the internet was really playing up and we keep getting cut off. On the funny side, though: as a result of the poor internet connection, Skype would buffer all the conversations that we were having and then once the connection was established, it would playback everything at incredibly high speed, so Mike would go from being really slow motion to sounding and looking like a hyperactive chipmunk. Very amusing

Coffee and Cushions

I had a message from the shipping company that my stuff has (finally) cleared customs and I have arranged for it to be delivered today (Saturday) at 9.30 am. I had been expecting it to be with me about a week ago, seeing as it left the UK nearly two weeks ago...and I was beginning to think that I'd never see my Designer's Guild cushions again.

My place is a bit sterile, so I've been looking forward to getting the rest of my stuff here to make it feel a lot more like home – particularly the coffee machine, but also kitchen stuff, cushions, clothes, photos, books, DVDs, clock, digital radio (though actually pointless as there is no DAB over here yet) and various other bits and pieces.

I'm feeling a lot more settled now – what I really need to do is sort out the car...

Phoenix Claws

I've spent the last 100 years in London going out on a Friday night for food and usually far too many drinks to unwind after busy/crap week. This week has been pretty busy and I really fancied going out for some cheap good food - so I send a message to my new friend Charles, and arrange to meet him in town later. I am hoping that he wants to go somewhere interesting (i.e. non-shopping centre) to eat, and he suggests this Chinese place called Teo Chew in Cheras.

At first he couldn’t find it – it was a little way out of the city, and it was also pissing with rain, but after driving about for what seemed like ages, and with some help from the GPS, we found it; luckily, as I was starving by this point and could have eaten (almost) anything. I say ‘we found it’, but of course I had absolutely no idea where I was!

spot the Phoenix claws lurking...

Charles did ask me what sort of food I ate, and I said “anything, except perhaps chicken feet”, and whilst I let him recommend the main bit of the meal – clay pot chicken rice – I went up to the buffet counter to look at some side dishes / appetisers etc. and picked out some veggies and a sort of boiled peanut dish, plus we had some brown eggs that didn’t look particularly appetizing, but were actually really lovely: sort of soy-sweet.

The peanut dish contained chicken feet, which were lurking underneath the peanuts and were a bit of a surprise. I ignored them and those aside, the food was absolutely spot on - just what I wanted.

After the delicious food, we headed off around town via Dataran Merdeka (Merdeka Square) where the Sultan Abdul Samad Building opposite was all lit up in ultraviolet blue, changing to a greenish yellow about 5 minutes later. We hung about waiting for them to change again (it looked like it was going to go red) but alas not, so we headed back to Mont Kiara.

Never actually saw it go this colour...