Pulau Ketam

After several wrong turns in and around Klang (a port town), we find the jetty for the "speed" boat that takes you to an island off the mainland which is famous for crab fishing (hence the name - 'pulau' - island; 'ketam' - crab). The journey takes about half and hour and the entertainment was either watching a television screen showing Chinese karaoke, or the gruff boat seat organiser prodding people and telling them to sit where she wanted them to sit. The latter was far more interesting.

Anyway, we arrive on the island and there are no cars or motor vehicles of any sort here, which is amazing for Malaysia. We walk around the concrete platform walkways along the ‘High Street’ and stop for some egg fried lala – basically an omelette with oysters and some sticky flour that makes it look like egg fried spunk, which I tried not to think about as I ate it. We walked off our dinner by wandering around the island’s raised walkways, along the river, passed the school and the cinema and that’s about it really!

I guessed that one of the downsides of not having any transport on the island is that there are no rubbish collection trucks, and everything is just thrown on the floor, knocked down under the raised walkways, making the place stink a little and under some of the houses, loads of rats were playing in this garbage. I tried not to think back to my spunky egg too much.

It was certainly a different pace of life out here compared to KL, and it was nice to get away. A couple of hours here is enough and then it’s time to head home, on a better boat that we came out on – and I get a seat next to this old woman and we chat about the island, photography, living in KL etc – she’s Malaysian and has lived in Taiwan for the last 10 years or so, plus spent time in Singapore. She was nice.

Expert Pig Boiling

I am off to Pulau Ketam with Keith today, and we arrange to meet at 1-Utama at about 10 for breakfast (I can think of better places to go, but its easiest to get there, I suppose.

We forego the breakfast in the (virtually derelict and closed for renovation) shopping centre and head to Klang for bak kut teh in Pao Xiang Bak Kut Teh, which was delicious. I'd heard that 'pork bone tea' was best in this area, and there's no denying that... The Klang-ons certainly know how to boil a pig. 

For those that don't know, bak kut teh is basically a chopped up pig boiled in a herby soup until the meat falls off the bone.

Was slightly disgusted by the amount of fat on the pork belly in one of the soups (we have three mini-soups), but not as much as the toilets that were on the same floor – they were flooded with yellow piss stinking water – absolutely disgusting!

Clean Your Car

It's been about 8 months since the car was cleaned (for charity at the Orange day last October!) and as I can barely see out of the back windscreen, I think it's about time I got it cleaned again. There's a valet service in most of the car parks in town, so I get it done whilst I go shopping in KLCC.

I have scraped it a couple of times whilst trying to manoeuvre it round car park corners, so I ask the detailers to try and do their best to sort it out. It looks lovely and clean, and they have done a pretty good job of getting out the goofs, so hopefully they won’t notice too much at the car rental place.

D-Day

Today is D-Day – Durian Day, the end of my Fear Factor and where I have get to eat a durian fruit. I really am not looking forward to it at all, as I cannot stand the smell of it at all. In retaliation, I go and buy a load of cheeses from Cold Storage over the road, leaving them on my desk all day to get to room temperature. We assemble in the car park (no durian allowed indoors!) and Khoo produces this polystyrene box, which is moving as if a trapped animal was inside!

Thankfully it was just the wind. I opened the lid and there was a huge stench of warm durian infused air whooshing around us. I opened the plastic bag and took out the offensive item, and prized apart the spiny shell to reveal a yellow squishy gooey fruit that stank of rotting cheese. After a couple of false starts, I eat a piece and actually it wasn’t that bad – it was more the texture that made me feel a bit icky, but the taste was actually OK.

After that episode, we head back to the kitchen and I get them all eating the smelly cheeses, which was (for me) delicious, but I suspect they didn’t enjoy it very much.

When I burp later on I get a mix of cheesy durian taste in my mouth, which is completely repulsive.

Gym - 0; Food 1

I was planning to go to the gym (first time in ages) tonight, but I get a call from asking if I want to come out for dinner and a few drinks. It was a really nice evening – eventually, after I got there. The restaurant is in a row of other, rather oddly, the same type of eateries, and all with virtually identical names!

I stand in one for a while, trying to find an upstairs where the boys are, and the waiter says that there is no upstairs - I need to go to the restaurant three doors down door – this place was the Rib and Dine - I needed the Rib'n'Wine place, which was between to the Bib'N'Shine and Glib and Brine. 

How ridiculous.

Free Food And Water

I am flying back to KL tonight, with mixed feelings. When I started the trip home, it was a hassle and I wasn’t really relishing the thought of being in the UK, probably more because it was for such a short period of time, but actually, when I was there – I wanted to stay a bit longer. I guess I am missing my friends and home more than I realised.

Anyway, to make the journey back to Malaysia better, I have booked premium seats on the back – the closest thing that Air Asia have got to business class and it’s actually pretty good: you get a flat bed, a meal or two included and entertainment thrown in too, unlike the economy sets where you have to pay for everything – including water!

Just as I a dozing off in my pretty comfortable seat, headphones in, listening to music I am suddenly woken by a rumbling noise and I take out my earphones to see if the noise happens again, or whether it was my imagination.

It wasn’t – this sound like a pig snorting food down started again and I (plus all the other people in the cabin) were looking around to see the source: an enormous bloke who’d fallen asleep as soon as he’d got on the plane was there, mouth open, tongue flopped out snoring like a monster. I'm not sure how long he went on for, as I drifted in and out of sleep and tried to tune it out, but I thin the old lady next to him must have nudges him a few times to wake him up…

Grass Skirts and Bow Ties

The party was good – lots of catching up with people I hadn’t seen for a long time and it was really nice to spend time talking to most people there. They’d hired a bar and barman for the night, set up the cocktail bar in the garden and, best of all, the drinks were free so naturally after several whiskey sours, marguerites and elderflower juleps, I was shitted!

It was a summer cocktail party and apart from getting drunk, my role was to help serve the canopes dressed in a grass skirt, dinner shirt, bow tie and flip flops!

No photos have materialised yet, but I am sure it's only a matter of time...

STN-SRH

I did clear security at Stantead and get luggage pretty quickly, but having decided to get the Stansted Express (but not having the foresight to reserve a ticket) I have to queue in a queue longer than immigration to get a ticket. 

I blame the staff there for causing some of the delay, asking complicated and stupid questions to people who didn’t speak or understand English. Twenty minutes later I get my ticket and as I walk to the train platform, I see that there are a whole bank of ticket offices and machines with no queue! Why didn’t someone tell all of us that were waiting that these other places were in existence!? How fucking annoying was that, especially as I had probably missed two trains now.

I get off at Tottenham Hale and get the Victoria line – again, I must have been mad: this meant going through the centre of London on one of the last tubes on a Friday night and end up in Brixton at about midnight, in the freezing cold and pissing rain. Nice.

I eventually arrive in Streatham Hill at about 00.30

KUL-LDN-KUL For The Weekend

Am flying back to the London for Mike’s 40th birthday – leaving here Friday afternoon, arriving the same evening, partying the Saturday and then fly back here Sunday night! I must be mad – but I am sure it will win me lots of BFF points.

I am flying Air Asia, and it’s the first time I’ve flown them longer than 3 hours, and I am not really looking forward to it. I had signed up for this option to upgrade your flights to business class at a fraction of the cost, hoping that it would work out, but I got an email this morning saying I’d been unlucky. Bollocks: and I hoped it wasn’t an omen for the flight.

I don’t like LCCT at all – it needs to be knocked down and rebuilt. It’s such a contract to KLIA and if you were arriving into the terminal you’d think that Malaysia was pretty scuzzy. Anyway, on the up side, the check in and immigration etc was pretty smooth actually (better than KLIA to be honest) and it’s not long before I am ready to board. I’ve spotted at least 4 babies / very young children – and hoping very much that they are nowhere near me.

The flight is pretty packed and just as I get settled into my 2-seat at the back of the plane near the toilets, one of the young kids comes running down the aisle and sits right behind me, followed by his rather stressed mother. Fucking brilliant.

She did apologise to me, but gave me this look of "hey, what can I do about it?". The kid was virtually climbing the airplane cabin walls and ceilings it was so excited/hyperactive and I resigned myself to a flight that would be, well, a complete nightmare. As the plane filled up I was hoping that the seats near me wouldn’t be occupied so either she or I could move. 

Also no (I sort of suspected as much when the baggage drop clerk confirmed to me that the flight was ‘pretty full’) but a ray of light chinked through the cabin as the guy who was supposed to be sitting next to me moved to what looked like one of the few empty seats nearby, leaving me with the luxury of 2 seats to myself! One of the airline cabin crew then asked if she could sit next to me and I was feeling rather relieved that she’d be spending most of her time working, leaving me with all the space in the world.

Alas not. As soon as the plane had taken off, she asked the guy who’d moved to go back to his seat next to me. Oh well, it was nice whilst it lasted. He was OK really, a 72-year old guy with a 22 year old girlfriend in Thailand, the dirty dog (if he was to be believed!) Actually I was initially fearful that he’d want to spend the entire flight talking to me, and though we did talk for a long time, he was very interesting and quite a character really - not letting the fact he was 72 stop him from doing things. I also learned that he takes 2 Viagra (well, Thai manufactured generic version) a day and had a young girlfriend in London too, he’s been married twice and has eight kids (that he knows of)!

There were probably huge pinches of salt to be taken with most of the conversation he was having, but it did while away the time quite nicely and took my mid off the fact the little horror behind me seemed to have a fascination with my head.

The flight is horrendous. The kid behind me is a nightmare and won’t settle at all, kicking and banging the seat virtually the whole journey and the mother does nothing much to stop him, apart from the occasional “oh now you’re really annoying me”.

Yes, well, now you are both really annoying me. Occasionally she reads to him in a mix of English and what I think is Mandarin, trying to get him to repeat Chinese words, all very good for learning, but he’s not even two and clearly not interested in that just at the moment.

So we eventually land on what is probably the worse flight I have ever taken and I am knackered – but it is earlier than expected, which is a bonus. I did think that I’d be home pretty soon – landing at about 9.30pm, luggage and security cleared by about 10pm, home for last orders! 

What the hell planet am I on?

Fluffy Bunny Wunny Dinner

Finally down from our Broga Hill climb, passed the weird shoe tree and after a refreshing coconut drink, we make our way back to the car, stopping momentarily to see what was in this children’s farm.

Actually it was a wholesale farm for rabbits and I thought it hysterical, and slightly macabre, that there were a load of fluffy bunnies hopping around behind huge bill boards of pictures of rabbit satay, delicious looking roasted rabbit and rabbit stew!

before

after

The Broga Hill Shoe Tree

On the way down Broga Hill, we veer off the path and, rather oddly,  find this “shoe tree” – old trainers and walking shoes thrown up into the branches! I wonder how the owners walked back down the hill… 

Broga Hill Bruise

I get home from a lovely meal out with some friends about 1 am and piss about on the internet for a while before realising I really should be heading to bed as I am supposed to be up at about 6 am to meet Arif to go to this place called Broga Hill: we need to go early 

1. to avoid crowds
2. to avoid the heat

Anyway, I am out of the flat by 6.20 and at Arif’s in about fifteen minutes later and we set off to Broga, about 40 minutes drive out of town. The weather was OK in KL but the further we got away, the cloudier it became and I really didn’t fancy climbing up any hills in the pissing rain, remembering the Bukit Larut experience…

Well, we’d come all this way and we could just about see people at the top of the first hill, so we assumed that it would be OK, and so we parked (opposite what looked like a children’s farm) and made our way to the hill. I wore slightly more sensible shoes this time and was thankful of that – it was no picnic climbing this hill: there was no path and in many places you were clambering along rain-gouged clay tracks, right next to sheer drops into oblivion. No health and safety here (apart form the occasional piece of string tied to a tree to prevent you falling into said oblivion).

It was pretty hard going actually, and very busy – amazingly with people climbing down, which must have meant they were there much too early on a Sunday morning – we were here at about 7.30, so who knows what time these lunatics had gotten here? As we marched up and up, it was getting tough going and I was glad to sit just before we reached the peak of the first hill, and it was all too much for Arif who ran to one side and vomited! I was feeling pretty feint, but nothing a sit down and swig of 100-Plus didn’t cure.

It was quite crowded here so we didn’t stop here for long and moved on to the next peak, slightly further away and higher in the clouds: less crowded, but get slightly annoyed by a couple of idiots who are playing techno music on their mobile phone and disturbing what was probably beautiful tranquillity. So we move away and climb to a third peak, and have to use these ropes to pull us up the rocks! Deciding that it’s probably as far as we want to go, we sit for a while taking in the fantastic view and fresh air.

Time to go down, which was a darn site easier than climbing, though still strenuous and a few times I nearly broke my neck by slipping on the wet sandy clay path. I did fall once and still have the bruise a few days later...

Will The Real Chris Wicks Please Stand Up?

It’s supposed to be a day off today, in celebration of the King's Birthday (actually tomorrow, but we've got a replacement day today) but with an issue that’s taken a hold at work, I am working instead, which is slightly annoying.

Not wanting to let work completely ruin my Friday, I am meeting a few friends and their friends for  dinner tonight at Restaurant Makanan Laut Wang Chiew in SS2 – the seafood place we went to a few weeks ago, so I head over there for about 8 pm, armed with GPS but still manage to get lost, as the roads have all been either closed or turned into one-way streets since i downloaded the latest maps last week...

Two of the guys, Kevin and Lim, were having a party afterwards, but I had a few meetings to go to so I had to leave after dinner which was a bit of a shame. I'd much rather have been there, it just seemed inappropriate to be getting shitfaced with a load of Chinese friends whilst I should be attending to my service…

Umm – would the real Chris Wicks please stand up?!

Quality Electrics

I drop Jose off at Hotel Istana after a really nice, relaxing and boozy weekend and head back into work. 

I noticed today that the air conditioning unit above my desk is blowing out freezing air, so I go to switch it off (it’s one of the back up ones that the night shift can use when the main one goes off). Weirdly, the control panel shows that it's not even switched on, yet it's blasting out freezing air.

Spooky. 

And cold!

I'm now suspicious of the quality of the electrics installed in the new office...

Batu, Menara KL, Monkeys And Mosquitos

Up early as we agreed to have breakfast with the boys today, and after yesterday’s ribbing, it was not worth blowing them out, so up we were at 0830 to get to them by 0930 – and we were on time, unlike the other three - something that I was naturally smug about.

After breakfast, we head off to the Batu Caves, which I must admit I was not really that fussed about (seeing I have been there a few times now), but if you have never seen them, they are quite something.

Somewhat tacky, very smelly, totally touristy...

As a new addition, however, they have now opened up the caves to the side, rather unimaginatively called "Dark Caves": it’s a guided tour into the underground caverns and it was pretty good, only spoiled by the fact our torches were crap and often plunged us into darkness. The tour was pretty good actually, even if the guide spent a lot of time explaining things that were a bit obvious, in that typical guide tour sort of way: “actually, ” followed by a tightening of the lips, raising of the eyebrows and a nodding of the head furiously.

So, after exploring the caves (highlight being the chink of light that shone down and lit up the place brilliantly; low light was shining my torch on the cave floor and seeing it alive with cockroaches, which sent a shiver up my spine) we resumed our climb up the steps to the temple at the top, via a film crew that were filming a scene for some movie that was probably going to be a load of shit, judging by the acting I observed!

Anyway, it’s not the most inspiring place, so we headed back down and home for a freshen up, before going back into town to the KL Tower, just to get a decent panoramic view of the city. The place is really tacky these days, and expensive, so we tried to make the most of our tickets by visiting the zoo after and  a wander around Bukit Nanas (the Jungle in the City under the Tower), only to find that about 2 minutes into the 'trek', we were surrounded by mosquitoes, so we headed back to the car and to safety.... That suited me fine, as to be honest I was hot and wanted to head back to freshen up before meeting the others later: it was a good thing that we’d got a chance to get changed.

KLCC, Chinatown, Pesar Seni And Suicidal Fish

Breakfast over we head into town for a bit of touristy stuff, starting off with a trip to KLCC and the Petronas Towers, some window shopping and then getting the LRT to Pesar Seni and having a wander about Chinatown and Petaling Street before heeding back to the Central Market which I thought would be naff, but it was shopping and lots of souvenirs so perfect! Actually, I was quite surprised by the fact that

• Petaling Street was virtually deserted and it appeared everyone was packing up 
• the area outside Central Market was actually nice and tidy – they have obviously spent a lot of time clearing the place up.
• the rain didn't come and spoil it all

We haggle for some goodies that Jose buys, and though I reckon I did OK, I am sure the stall sellers didn't really lose out, as they claim...

Whilst we are haggling and browsing stuff in Central Market, I get a message from Adrian asking if we wanted to do dinner that evening, with Kevin too, and that was fine by me – though it meant I had to orchestrate getting us home to change and shower, so I sort of hurry (without hurrying) Josephine along in Central Market to get the LRT back to KLCC and then home again. I was beginning to panic that we’d be really late for the boys and they’d be pissed off, considering I blew them out this morning for breakfast…Anyway, the traffic was a breeze and we managed to get home, showered and changed into something more fitting ready for a meal out.

We had arranged to meet at Ecoba, but we were early so we had a bottle of wine on ice when Adrian announced he was there and we should just come down to the road. When I said I’d ordered wine, he  came to the bar, saying he’d cancelled the dinner reservations that he’d made! I wasn’t sure whether he was being serious or not, as I can't always tell...

Anyway, it's not long before we finish the wine and decide that we will head over to the restaurant that had originally been booked after all: a really nice place at Subang airport – South Sea Seafood restaurant, which was lovely – loads of aquaria and fish tanks with all manner of dinner in them – marvellous. One of the fish clearly didn’t fancy being poached and eaten and tried to make it’s escape, but just felt flat on the floor and “drowned”

Breakfast At 9? - No Problem!

In the bar last night, and after several gins and Long Island Iced Teas, we had agreed to have breakfast at 9 am in Sunway with the boys: it all seemed a good idea at 3 am, but when I get a text message form Adrian at 8.30 am, I feel (and look) horrific, and say that we are not going to make it.

I then get bombarded with text messages from them all asking where I am, and telling me what a lightweight I am for agreeing to meet them and then crying off! All I want is to sleep, but all I get is the 'bzzz bzzz' of the text message alert. The Chinese torture doesn't end there: they also call me to rib me more.

Eventually they leave me alone and I go back to sleep – until 11 am - so pathetic. Who were we kidding that we’d be able to get up and out for food by 9 am?! Anyway, we get dressed and have breakfast (well, more like lunch) in the Old Town Coffee downstairs, hoping they wouldn't remember me being very rude to them when Mike was over in December last year...

A Visitor From Singapore

My friend Josephine, who I've known since the Crawley days (my boss at one point!) and is now living with her family in Singapore, is coming to stay for the weekend, which gives me a great opportunity to be a tourist for a few days. 

And an excuse to drink a lot. 

Naturally the first thing we do when we get back here is open a bottle and catch up with wine, and after trying the Japanese place downstairs for some food (and more wine) we get a bit squiffy. 

Adrian and Edwin suggest meeting up tonight for drinks in town, which sounded great (especially as were quite pissed by this point!) But no sooner than we had agreed, I get another message saying that they may not be going into town after all, followed by a one a few minutes later saying they would pick us up at about 11 pm - which was about 15 minutes hence! 

So we quickly polished off our food and wine, changed quickly and met the boys for a night out in town, which was a lot of fun and all a bit of a blur as we rolled in at 3 am.

Unexpectedly Pleasant Journey

After my (quick) trip to Rome, it was time to head back to KL. I am trying not to think of my poor body clock and the state I'll be in, having made such a quick trip back to the UK and back again in such a short period... 

Anyway, the journey and ‘getting to the airport’ was giving me reason to think that the flight would be horrific: there was some twat on the underground that wouldn’t move to let me put my luggage next to the door, and when I eventually shuffled in besides him, he still wouldn’t budge – what a twat. 

Then, when I got to check in, the clerk eyed my up and down and started questioning me about my visa after finding out that I was not travelling on holiday. Oh here we go – I had visions of the last time I had issus with entry and exit from the UK, being interrogated and treated like a criminal… As it happens, it was fine. I did ask her whether the flight was full, and she said that it wasn’t, but I was sat next to two other people and so she offered to move me to a seat on my own (well, one other in the aisle), saying that once the seatbelt signs go off, I could move to a different empty slot.

Which I did – but didn’t bother waiting until the seatbelt signs were off – in fact, I didn’t even wait until the plane had taken off! How marvellous – 3 seats to myself again, which made the flight much more bearable.

I shall fly Thai again.