The weather is really bad this afternoon and Jalan Duta (near my place) is flooded, which had the knock on effect of bringing the whole of the Kuala Lumpur road system to a grinding halt. Getting home was a complete nightmare: took about 2 hours (5 km) which only served to put me in an incredibly bad mood after a really busy week.
My mood was lifted by food and a drink claiming to be anti-aging later on with Charles in a place called the One Stop Cafe, in Jalan Ipoh.
We are out as a team tonight at this place called Waterlily, a pretty decent Balinese restaurant near the office. During course of the evening, and probably fuelled by a couple of beers, I declare that before my assignment is over I will eat a whole durian.
What the fuck!?
Anyway, this mutates into a challenge I set for myself as a sort of “I'm A Celebrity” where every Friday the team get to choose something for me to eat that they think is pretty weird / smelly / disgusting. The only rules that I set are that it must be something edible and something they are prepared to eat themselves, plus I get to chose someone form the team to do it with me.
What have I done?
Anyway, the team revel in this challenge and all I can hear is "fish" "fermented" "smelly" and the first challenge (tomorrow) is something called cincalok, which I try to Google but have no idea how to spell (and the team won’t tell me either!). I try to use Google’s voice recognition search, but all I get back in return is “Cinzano”, “Internet” and, appropriately, “Team Challenge”, so I am none the wiser.
When I get home, I Google "smelly fish fermented Malaysia food" and I find it - a Malaccan food made from shrimps that have been left to ferment in the heat for three days. Sounds lovely.
Anyway, Friday comes and after our team meeting I am stopped from leaving the room: time for my first food challenge! Tuan is still here, so he has the chance to join me too... They bring out this bottle containing pink sludge, some cucumber and lime (plus water and paper towels in case we gag, and a bucket in case we throw up!) I select the person with the next birthday to join me and then scrape some of the pink goo onto a slice of cucumber and put it in my mouth, trying not to smell it too much: it’s actually not too bad – a bit like an anchovy paste, but the smell is rather evil.
I survive the first challenge, and wash my hands thoroughly to get rid of the smell.
I felt sorry for the next people into the meeting room after us...the place stank!
We have another manager visiting from the UK this week, so the UK workforce head out for some beers and food in Mont Kiara, which is good.
The extra mojitos were probably not such a good idea.
The extra bacardi shots for the extra mojitos was probably an even worse idea.
I get home about 1 am, cook some fishfingers and plop into bed at about 2 am. What seemed like 5 minutes later, the alarm goes off and I feel like like death. Despite being the oldest out last night, I am proud to say that at least I made it to the office by 9 am, unlike the other two... one "worked form home" whilst the other "worked UK hours today" and turned up at 1 pm.
No names being mentioned here, but they know who they are.
I am out tonight with the Service Enablement team as their manager, Derek, is over from the UK and we go to Traders Hotel Sky Bar for cocktails and some food: we leave the office a bit later than I would have done to get to the Sky Bar for sun down, but we get there for about 7.30, and actually it’s OK: the towers look fantastic as the sky darkens.
Derek and I play "name that tune" as the songs tonight are from the early - mid 1980s: the rest of the team can't join in as they have never heard any of the songs, or any of the artists (Boomtown Rats, Soft Cell, Spandau Ballet etc), and I suddenly feel very old.
After a couple of cocktails and finger food we head for some more food by way of steam boat in Jalan Ipoh. I am convinced that this place is someone's house and we are sitting in the back garden, as the toilet is actually a bathroom, complete with bath...
I turn the alarm off for another hour as I am rudely woken up from an alcohol induced sleep from yesterday's dinner. It was a nice afternoon, but I feel like shit this morning! I drag myself like a zombie though most of my meetings today (very bad, I know) and leave early-ish (about 6) but what the hell. Having a day off does fuck with the week actually, but never mind.
Someone in the office looks at their watch when I leave – I nearly go over and poke their eyes out with my pen, but think better of it. Besides, I haven't got the energy.
I was out the other night with my friends in town and we ended up out to dinner, followed by drinks in a bar that's on top of the Lot 10 shopping centre, which was lovely: surprisingly quiet for a centrall located bar overlooking the main shopping drag, but that was also OK, as it meant we have the place to ourselves.
During the evening I was reminded that I had agreed, a long time ago, that I would cook a Sunday roast. So tonight they reminded me of this, and suggested that Tuesday (a public holiday in Malaysia) would be a good day! So, I am cooking a Sunday (Tuesday) roast for everyone and the menu is roast pork with herb and apricot stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, peas, leeks/garlic, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshire puddings with a tiramisu for desert: lovely!
They are all coming over for about 5, and I get a call from one of them, Adrian, saying that they are outside my apartment, and why wasn’t I answering the door? I went outside to investigate and they weren't there. However, I spotted them across the other block and waved at them from across the swimming pool. A few minutes later they were all at my door: Adrian, Edwin, Lim and Kevin. Charles arrives a bit later, which was fine as it gave the others time to nose about the flat - marvelling at the bathroom (particularly the bath, which I still haven't used in the 6 months I've been here).
The dinner party was great and the food was lovely, even if i say so myself: it was funny watching Chinese boys trying to work out what to do with / how to eat Yorkshire puddings and they were all surreptitiously watching me to see what I did, so I just held back and told them the origins of the pudding – which confused them even more – and they started to pile food into each pudding and made these sort of pea, leek and pork tart things! Anyway, I piled the food onto my plate, poured the gravy on, and they all followed suite.
As per normal dinner parties held by or attended by me, there was a lot of alcohol involved and we all get a bit pissed, and the end of the evening is a little blurry. I do remember them all leaving about 10 and then not a lot more else: I must have passed out on the sofa watching telly, as I woke up at 3am fully dressed, telly blaring, lights on with the beginnings of a gale force hangover.
On the way into work this morning I notice that the road that is being build to access the new Palace is nearly complete. They have been doing these road works for ages and there is a multitude of what look like single lane roads that will eventually cross Jalan Duta, resembling Spaghetti Junction once complete. Anyway, one of the bits of spaghetti is the first one to meet it’s counterpart, having been built up from either side of the Duta motorway.
If you look carefully, it doesn’t actually look like it meets in the middle!
I've invited a friend over for some wine and to watch a DVD this afternoon, as I can't be arsed going out. As my intercom still doesn't work properly, I have to meet them downstairs, and as I am about to get out of the lift I let out a big smelly fart – only to find one of the security guards waiting to get into the lift on the ground floor. He gives me a look of disgust as he gets in and luckily I am getting out… Woops.
After the lunch with friends at The Curve, we all part company and I go to find my car, only to realise I have no idea where I left it. I followed Charles here this morning and just parked next to him, forgetting to do my usual of taking a photo of the parking bay. Car parks are so huge over here, you need GPS to get around them.
By the way, following Charles to the car park was a total misunderstanding: he thought he invited me to the gym with him before meeting the others for food, but he hadn’t actually said the word ‘gym’ in his invite: I did think it was a bit strange him inviting me to “join him at the Curve” (I assumed this just meant for me to follow him there so I didn't get lost)
I did wonder why we had left home an hour before we were meant to meet the others...
I have been invited out with friends as part of the continuing Chinese New Year celebrations. We are on the 10th day, which I think means it's more feasting... so we are all meeting for lunch at 1 pm.
We indulge in yee seng, which is raw salmon mixed with shredded vegetables, oil, plum sauce and topped crispy snacks. It's considered to be a symbol of abundance and prosperity and once all the ingredients are mixed together, everyone gets their chopsticks and tosses it all up in the air, wishing for their own prosperity and abundance-ness.
And making a mess everywhere, of course.
After that, we have a steam boat / hotpot with a variety of fish, chicken, pork etc, which is really tasty and the whole lunch is really good fun, even if I can’t understand all that they are saying. But that’s my fault, as I have been pretty lazy in learning my Mandarin: it’s amazing how they can flit from Mandarin, Hokkien, English and Malay la!
My birthday today and I am not sure how I am going to feel about the fact than I am not going to see any of my UK friends for any celebrations, seeing as I am on the other side of the world. Anyway, I wake up to a load of Facebook messages, Whatsapp messages, Skype alerts, SMS messages and emails which was lovely.
I go out for lunch in a Japanese place called Tao in Damansara, which was very nice – although it did mean that I missed out on the lion dance that has been arranged for the office. Apparently the senior people in the office are involved somehow, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hang about to find out how... I did manage to catch one of the Lion dances later on though.
I should have taken the day off really, as I normally do for my birthday: it’s a really busy day, culminating in a management meeting via a teleconference with the UK that I have to duck out of towards the end as there is some sort of interference on the call that sounds like a huge wasp buzzing about in my headset and I imagined my brain being fried: if I am going to abuse my brain cells, I'd rather it was via drink and debauchery than listening in on Business Strategy...zzzzz.
I am out tonight with the team for another (Japanese) meal – well it was sort of Chinese New Year celebration and my birthday do all rolled into one: it was a good evening and I think everyone enjoyed themselves; I certainly did, but then that's probably because it involved food and alcohol!
At home later there are some cards waiting from me, having arrived the old fashioned way and I managed to chat to Mike, after sending him both a text message and a Skype message to remind him of my existence and the fact I'm a year older. He thought it was tomorrow...
So, all in all, it was a pretty good day - Happy Birthday to Meeee!
It’s the day before my 21st (+ VAT + Service charge...) birthday – where does the time go? I very nearly didn’t make it though. As I was leaving work I turned right to cross the dual carriageway outside the office (rather pleasantly called Persiaran Tropicana) and when I looked, there was nothing coming from the right so I pulled out – only to see this car appear out of nowhere to my right and he had to slam on his brakes and skidded along the road, narrowly missing smashing into my side. Luckily for me the carriageway heading the other way was clear, so I could slam my foot on the accelerator and speed to the other side of the road: had there been the usual jam, I’d have been, well, seriously fucked.
Anyway, I (obviously) made it and spent the rest of the journey shaking and home looking several times at road junctions before moving.
That reminded me of the campaign on the radio at the moment about car and road safety: apparently there are about 7000 deaths a year, which is staggering, but I am not actually that surprised. Roads are huge, with rubbishy planned junctions: each one is built as a minimum 2-4 lane motorway, encouraging speeding, aggressive driving and lane hopping; road signs are confusing, there doesn't seem to be many penalties for shit driving and I can't remember how many times I have seen drivers just ignore red lights. What’s strange is that the government spends money on other shit incentives rather than focussing on this problem – a friend of mine said that they’d recently funded the development of genetically modified mosquitoes to combat the dengue fever issue.
The flight is due to leave, so I am standing in a small-ish line waiting to get my boarding pass checked at the gate. The departure time comes and goes and there's no sign of any movement... which is incredibly annoying. If I knew how long the flight was (clearly) delayed for, I'd sit down. As it is, the minute I leave the line, the plane will board and I'll be at the back of the queue.
So I stand in line. Whilst standing in line I am getting increasingly irritated, especially with the lack of announcements about where the plane is, or what time we are going to be leaving...
What pisses me off even more, however, is the mass of Eastern European people that suddenly spring from nowhere and push right pass me to the front of the queue the minute the ‘bing bong’ of the announcements are made to tell us that the flight is now boarding. Bastards.
Must remember my calmness after my weekend here in luxury and take a deep breath. "In with hate, out with love..."
As I get on the plane, I notice that I am sitting next to a Japanese man and his son, so I beckon for them to move along, rather than me clamber over them to my window seat: I’ll sit on the aisle instead. Plus I needed the loo so it would be a quick escape during the flight.
Well I wished I’d not bothered. They were, in fact, not together, The boy was now separated from the rest of his family who were sitting in the three seats across the aisle and the Japanese man was now a little further away form his (rather ugly) family who were sitting diagonally behind. The boy’s father asked if he could move back to where he was, and I ended up sitting in the middle of them both! Worse, the Japanese man felt the need to check, every two minutes (like a meerkat) that his family were still on the place / eating / alive / etc – annoying twat.
During my stroll down town, I was tempted to buy some of the cheap vodka that seemed to be outside a lot of stalls, but on closer inspection I am very glad I didn’t: it was a cloudy yellowy colour and looked more like pee. Maybe it was just coloured water to lure you into the shop.
Nope: as I moved down the street, I kept seeing these ‘vodka stalls’ and it was only when turned back and took a photo of one that had a sign above it saying ‘Petrol’ that I realised what they were.
Hmm. Isn’t that a bit dangerous to have petrol in glass bottles in the sweltering sun? I didn’t hang about long enough to find out and, as by this time the sun is hot again and I am really uncomfortable, I head back to the hotel. I ask if I can have a lounger made up for me with an umbrella so I can sit and watch the sea for the last hour or so before heading back to the airport and home again.
I have completely overdone it in terms of getting some sun, and I look like a Chinese lantern. I guess that's quite festive, seeing as it's Chinese New Year. Still, I need to take it easy for my last day: which is good as I do feel a bit passed myself.
Anyway, I have got a late checkout from the room, so about 1-ish, I check out and head into the main shopping drag, thankful that it’s cloudy and I am sort of hoping it will rain! No such luck, and it’s not long before the sun comes out, forcing me to duck into the nearest shop to get a hat. An overpriced hat, at that! I wish that I hadn’t looked in the mirror as I bought it: I looked completely horrible: bright red, dripping wet shiny red face, baggy puffy eyes!
I am beautiful, no matter what you say..!
Still, I am never going to see any of these people again, so I wear my new hat with pride and walk about the town, making my way down Jalan Double Six to the beach, and then back along the beach to the hotel.
As I walk along the street I notice all these little trays made from banana leaves with various bits of food, flowers and the remnants of a burning joss stick in them. They must be some sort of offering to the gods – and these idols must be fat and stuffed, as these little trays are absolutely everywhere – you have to be really careful not to tread on them, as I am sure that would be offensive.
Alas, it’s like avoiding raindrops in a torrential rainstorm and despite my efforts, I accidentally put my size 7 Birkenstock sandals right into one, which is all sodden wet with the rain, and the mixture of rice, Ritz cheese biscuits and flowers turns into a slippery sludge, and I nearly go arse over tit – I was only the passing motorbike (yes, on the pavement) that broke my fall…
Fearing some divine retribution, I head back to the hotel and the wind/rain have really picked up – so much that water is being blown under the patio doors, and whilst sitting at the desk using my laptop the wind batters the glass doors so much that I get a bit scared and pull the curtains across: at least should the glass cave in, the heavy drapes will sort of protect me!
I head into town tonight for a wander about – hopefully the cooling wind will sooth my now rather radiant skin some – well at least as it’s dark not many people can see my boiled ham head! It starts to pee with rain about half a kilometre into my walk, and I dash into the nearest shop selling brollies. All they had were 2 sorts: one for ladies (pink flowers) and one for men (blue flowers) so I settled for the manly one and go on my way.
I probably paid far too much for this brolly, but it did save me from getting drenched. I was actually trying to find this bar called Q-Bar, but I was buggered if I could see it: maybe it no longer exists.
After my walk up to the temple this morning, I am pretty tired so I head for the hotel sun loungers for an hour or so. It's not long before I think I have been out in the sun too long and I feel slightly tender – when I get back to the room, I don’t feel or look too bad, but my face is starting to feel burnt.
Woops.
I think that I’ll stay out of the sun for the rest of the day and chill on the balcony, waiting for the sun to subside. I am lying there and I feel the sun on my toes and then just as it’s creeping up my legs, it disappears behind a cloud. Within 5 minutes there is a monsoon and the scene reminds me of the one from Muriel’s Wedding, when Porpoise Spit gets devastated! Anyway, I am not too bothered as my face is now radiating it’s own heat now so anything to cool me down!
Completely relaxed there is a real danger that I'd lie in bed all day but I need to get up, get breakfast and go see some of Bali. Whilst munching on poached eggs, I ask one of the staff if it’s possible to walk along the beach to Kuta and then along the roads back to the hotel, and she says it’s about and hour or so, which is fine. She also says that a lot of guests do that as there is a shopping centre right along that part of the beach (heading south). According to the guide book, however, there is an important temple north of where we are...
So...
Do I head South for shopping or North for temple viewing? I actually head in the north direction and try to find this Petitenget Temple and walk in the sun along the beach.
Once I reach the temple I am slightly disappointed that I can’t actually go in, as you need to be properly attired, which I guess I am not (seeing as I wearing flip flops and shorts) so I walk around it and along the road for a bit before being approached by this guy clearly trying to sell me something, so I play along for a bit and then tell him I am leaving now, to which he's really pissed off and keeps shouting after me. Rapidly moving away, I decide to head back along the beach to my hotel to I lie in the sun...
After having a delicious mocktail in reception (would have been better with a large vodka in it), I am taken to my room. I was under the impression that when I booked, I’d have a suite opening out onto the beach, so when I was led upstairs to the fifth floor, I was thinking they’d put me in the wrong room... Until I opened the door…
The room was actually a suite and overlooked the beach and the sea, complete with balcony and outdoor jacuzzi! It was completely luxurious, and huge: a dressing room, rain room, bath that can fit a small family of Indonesians in, lounge area, huge bed and an office area. I usher the concierge out – whose name I don’t catch as he’s got a terrible speech impediment and I didn’t like to ask him to repeat himself, and open up the balcony to lie on the lounger and watch the sun go down with a huge glass of wine.
After sundown, I rummage about in the bathroom (of course) to see what products were there for me to use and steal - as well as the usual culprits, there was also this lovely smelling chocolate and mandarin soap and a delicious matching lip balm. I wonder how many calories there are in chocolate orange lip balm?
I feel instantly relaxed and completely marvellous. I feel that I should be going out and making the most of the island, but to be honest, I am actually quite happy to sit here and chill for the evening and get room service: after all, it was a luxurious suite that I was in!
Bali (Denpansar) airport is something a bit like Cairo (erm, perhaps not a good analogy) – well just to say that it was a little chaotic and you have to buy your visa on arrival, so more queuing and lots of people trying to 'help' you buy your visa, all of whom I completely ignore…
It’s not long before I am at passport control, clearing customs, passing the long line of money exchangers all calling out to me to exchange my valuable USD, and out into Bali… I get a taxi to the Anantara, taking in the sites of Bali – very different to Malaysia; in fact very different to anywhere I’ve been. I liked all the temples and Hindu shrines that seemed to be everywhere – and weirdly they were dressed in sarongs and have parasols around them: not sure what that was about.
We made our way along Jalan Sunset (great name!) and then as we got nearer the hotel, we turned down these smaller more interesting roads which felt a bit more like a village: Jalan Legian and then Jalan Seminyak. This is more like I imagined Indonesian streets to be like: crowded, narrow, motorcycles everywhere, a bit chaotic and noisy! It wasn’t long before we were at the hotel and I have chosen well: it’s on the beach!
am met (well, more like intercepted) by a receptionist looking me up and down, asking if she can help me: and when she finds out that I am staying here, she’s as nice as pie. I guess if the hotel is on the beach, you could get all sorts of riff raff wandering in and out of the place – but didn’t they know who I was?!
Anyway, Friday comes and after our team meeting I am stopped from leaving the room: time for my first food challenge! Tuan is still here, so he has the chance to join me too... They bring out this bottle containing pink sludge, some cucumber and lime (plus water and paper towels in case we gag, and a bucket in case we throw up!) I select the person with the next birthday to join me and then scrape some of the pink goo onto a slice of cucumber and put it in my mouth, trying not to smell it too much: it’s actually not too bad – a bit like an anchovy paste, but the smell is rather evil.
During the evening I was reminded that I had agreed, a long time ago, that I would cook a Sunday roast. So tonight they reminded me of this, and suggested that Tuesday (a public holiday in Malaysia) would be a good day! So, I am cooking a Sunday (Tuesday) roast for everyone and the menu is roast pork with herb and apricot stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, peas, leeks/garlic, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshire puddings with a tiramisu for desert: lovely!
They are all coming over for about 5, and I get a call from one of them, Adrian, saying that they are outside my apartment, and why wasn’t I answering the door? I went outside to investigate and they weren't there. However, I spotted them across the other block and waved at them from across the swimming pool. A few minutes later they were all at my door: Adrian, Edwin, Lim and Kevin. Charles arrives a bit later, which was fine as it gave the others time to nose about the flat - marvelling at the bathroom (particularly the bath, which I still haven't used in the 6 months I've been here).
As per normal dinner parties held by or attended by me, there was a lot of alcohol involved and we all get a bit pissed, and the end of the evening is a little blurry. I do remember them all leaving about 10 and then not a lot more else: I must have passed out on the sofa watching telly, as I woke up at 3am fully dressed, telly blaring, lights on with the beginnings of a gale force hangover.
We indulge in yee seng, which is raw salmon mixed with shredded vegetables, oil, plum sauce and topped crispy snacks. It's considered to be a symbol of abundance and prosperity and once all the ingredients are mixed together, everyone gets their chopsticks and tosses it all up in the air, wishing for their own prosperity and abundance-ness.
So...
After sundown, I rummage about in the bathroom (of course) to see what products were there for me to use and steal - as well as the usual culprits, there was also this lovely smelling chocolate and mandarin soap and a delicious matching lip balm. I wonder how many calories there are in chocolate orange lip balm?