Do I look Like (a) An Illegal Alien (b) I Travel Economy?

Woke up feeling like shit today after a rather alcoholic dinner party with the boys in SW16. Despite the hangover, I need to get things together for my flight later today. After Sunday Lunch in the pub of course with Mike, Rob and Kris.

I don’t want to get completely pissed but have a couple of drinks to make me drowsy for the flight tonight, as I am flying economy…

I get to Heathrow several hours too early, which is fine with me as I have this fear of missing flights, and try to check in, only to get stopped and immigration are alerted to my presence. Apparently as I have only a one-way ticket, with no visa, I am a suspect of some sort and I am pulled into the interviewing area for an interrogation. I was really not impressed: but all I needed to do was to prove that I was on assignment and had a place to go to in Malaysia. Well, that would have been OK had the Internet been working on my laptop properly (note, this is nothing to do with my Mac Book, but the shitting Heathrow wifi) 

Without this I was unable to show them my letter of assignment, or any correspondence confirming my working invite. Grr.

I then had the bright idea of using my iPhone to pull up the information on my work email account and then sending this information to myself, and then accessing my personal emails on one of the immigration officer’s PCs. Well that didn’t fucking work either as the GSK outlook web access server was not responding. I was getting really stressed with not able to prove that I had a job out in Malaysia and I could see me not being able to get the flight at all. What a complete fuck up 

• Because I haven't got my work visa sorted yet
• Because a lot of things take a lot of time to sort out.

The immigration officers could see I was getting agitated and so just said, “Well, as long as you can prove to the Malaysian immigration at the other end that you have the necessary documentation…” they would let me travel.

Oh, and buy a ticket back to the UK before going through immigration. Fucking great – I am furious with HR for dragging their feet over this process, though it’s probably not their fault in fairness, but I want to blame someone.

After completing my check-in (I have held everyone up by the way, as I left my luggage on the carousel during my interrogation) I help Kristian devour a bottle of rose wine before stomping though security and onto my journey.

I was dreading arriving in Malaysia: I had no access to the internet to sort out my proof of assignment and I just knew that the day I was having would end horrifically: how was I going to explain the kitchen knives and 4 kilograms of coffee in my luggage if I was not supposed to be in the country! Coffee is used to conceal drugs... I wonder what Malaysian prisons are like?

I was also dreading the flight as I was in economy, but I had pre-assigned my seat on the website and had chosen a seat all on it’s own t the back of the plane, so that should have been bearable, only it wasn’t: there was no seat at the back of the plane on it’s own, and I was sat next to someone after all. Just as I thought it couldn’t get any worse, a mother and very small grisly baby came and sat behind us.

Brilliant.