Friends, Food And Flight

I get a call from Adrian and Edwin at about 8 asking if I fancied breakfast.

Eight o’clock on a Sunday morning – are they mad? I want a bloody lie in! Anyway, I am hungry and it would be nice to meet up as I am in the UK from tonight, so won't see them for a while.

After breakfast of lovely fried noodles and very strong coffee at the Restoran Sun Lin Loong with them (and Kevin), and a mooch round The Curve, I then meet up with Keith for a late lunch (dim sum near the Tropicana City Mall) and he drops me home later as I haven't packed for my trip yet!

A couple of hours later, Charles picks me up to take me to Stesen Sentral to check in and have some more food in this place in Mid Valley Mega Mall where all the food is cooked in or served with some variety of tea. Very tasty.  

It was nice seeing my friends today and I am conscious that I am pushing the thoughts of the end of my assignment to the back of my head; it's going to be very hard leaving KL...

Anyway, I have to leave temporarily for a meting in the UK, so I flirt at the check in an attempt to get an upgrade, but it doesn’t work (though I think there is a glimmer of hope as my boarding pass is not recognised by the scanning machines as I pass through the security check point: does this mean that my seat is invalid and I’ll be sitting in first class?)

No, it just means that the pass was not printed properly, and I am sat in business… oh well.

An Excess

It’s Ali’s leaving drinks tonight in Bangsar – the Pressroom – I get horrendously drunk which makes the evening highly enjoyable, but to be honest, I don’t actually remember much about it. I hope I wasn’t too ridiculous – no doubt there will be photos to remind me…

I am not sure how I got home, but I wake up fully clothed on the bed with the lights on, curtains open and air conditioning off. 

What a mess. I feel a mess. 

Fermented Bean Curd

It’s the third of my food challenges today, and I am made to eat this soya sludge and fermented bean curd: sounds horrible?

It was.

Nothing Like A Bit Of Police Brutality

A few of us meet up tongiht for some food in an outdoor food court (Neighbourhood Food Court) followed by a few drinks in this microbewery place, Craft Brews. We’re happily chatting away when I notice this motorbike being chased by a policeman on a bike too, who gets in front of this perpetrator and pushes him off his bike and then starts kicking him. Another policeman joins him and they start laying into this guy. It’s too dark and far away to actually work out what went wrong, but there’s nothing like a bit of police brutality, is there?

It almost put me off my wine.

Excessive Consumption May Have Laxative Effect

I am flying back to Kuala Lumpur this morning, so I only have an hour or so to get to the museum before having to get to the airport. I take a tuk-tuk there and he waits for me whilst I wander round the completely deserted museum, which is actually pretty good. An hour later I am hurtled back to the hotel by my tuk-tuk driver, check out and meet Phearum again for the final journey to the airport.

The airport experience is great: no hassles, no stress. The only annoyance is the bunch of Australians ahead of me in the check in queue: they appear never to have flown before and are just fussing about checking and re-checking their luggage, passports and boarding passes etc, so I swap to another queue, only to find that the weighing scales are broken so the queue is closed. Irritation building…

Anyway, I board the plane and immediately regret eating the packet of Cool Mints that I’d bought to freshen my mouth whilst waiting to get on the plane. May cause laxative effect: too bloody right.

Banteay Srei

I was really tired at this point and maybe that contributed to the fact I thought that the last temple on the agenda, Banteay Srei, was the least spectacular of the temples I’d seen and I think I had become templed out, so I was happy to finish up and go home. I was slightly irritated by the set up of this last one – to exit into the car park, you needed to walk through a mass of touristy souvenir shops, and the stall owners were really aggressive. I didn’t like that.

I was completely knackered now and was ready to just go back to the hotel to sleep and recover from the day’s excesses.

Terraces, Tomb Raider And Turd

From there, I follow the tourist path to the Elephant’s Terrace and the Terrace of the Leper Kings before getting confused by the map in the guide book and then finding Phearum to take me to the next place: Ta Phrom. This was recognisable as the temples from the Lara Croft movies/computer games and pretty much just as they were found hundreds of years ago, with trees growing amongst the structures. Really amazing!

We stopped for lunch on the way at this local restaurant, which was quite nice (if not a bit overpriced) and I treated Phearum to hot and sour soup. As we were leaving I noticed that I was being watched by a small girl crouching behind some stairs, eyeing me with some suspicion, and then I realised that she was actually taking a shit!  Finishing, she got up, took a last look at me and walked away, leaving a turd behind her, under the stairs. Nice!

Bayon, Baphuon, Buddha

I’ve been walking about for seemingly hours at Angkor Wat and it’s only 7.30 am! I am not sure that I can last the whole day without a bit of rest etc, so we head back to the hotel for breakfast, shit, shower and shave, and meet again at 9.30. The agenda is Angkor Thom, Ta Phnom and, time permitting, Banteay Srei. 

First stop is Angkor Thom – a huge city with loads of temples inside the walls. The first one is Bayon – and it’s the one with all the Buddha faces carved into the temple turrets, and is fantastic. I spend an hour wandering around this monumental temple, marvelling at the detail of the carvings and just astounded at the sheer size of everything. I move from there to the Baphuon, a pyramid based temple that’s under a lot of renovation and nowhere near as impressive.

Apparently there is a reclining Buddha image on the far side, so I make my way round there (for a pee too). Slightly disappointed that the observation deck was closed, I move from there following the trail to Phimeanakus, which is an old royal dwelling pyramid shaped temple and fucking steep. It’s now about midday and I am sweating like a cow’s wotsit and as I try to find some shade and shelter I lose my nerve a bit and want to get down quickly and decide no more climbing for the day.

Wakey Wakey Rise and Shine

Urgh – what the fuck!? 4.45 am – on a holiday! What am I doing? This sunrise better be bloody worth it. Angkor Wat is the place to see the sunrise, so we head out there, park up, and I walk the long route to the temple. Again, there are loads of other visitors, whom I try to ignore. They all seem to be gathering on the left hand side of the temple in front of a small lake, so I head over to the other side and wait for the dawn to break.

It’s pretty amazing really, and once a bit lighter, I head into the actual temple to wander about whilst it’s still quiet. As I walk to the left of the monumental terrace, I see the orange orb of the sun rising over the turrets. What a fantastic sight, and I forget all about the rude awakening this morning – totally worth it. 

I then spend the next 2 hours wandering around and exploring the temple: Cambodia’s most famous I expect, and probably the vastest. I try to imagine what it was like in the days when it was used as a place of worship – it must have been fantastic. The only blot was that the central turret was covered with scaffolding, but I guess without such care, there would not be an Angkor Wat to marvel at.

Rapping Twats

I head out to the night market area and as my feet are killing me, I stop by a foot massage place and get my feet and legs done for $2 (plus $1 tip) – how lovely! All in the open air and I drift away with this poor girl massaging my hobbit feet whilst I lookup at the night's sky.

I eat in a place on the way back and want some more Khmer food – I am lured into this place, which looks all right, and order my beer and food. Opposite me is a table of other westerners, and almost as soon as I have placed my order, and thereby too late for me to walk out, one of them (an American) seems to think it really ‘cool’ to start playing is crockery with his chopsticks and then thinks it even ‘cooler’ to start ‘rapping’.

His twat friends think this is hysterical and they all join in. I sink into my chair wishing they would shut the fuck up. The US wanker then starts ‘rapping’ about other people in the restaurant and I want to stick those chopsticks up his nose. I think they can sense my distain for them and they don’t rap about me, and leave fairly shortly afterwards, leaving the place in peace again, thank fuck.

Time for bed – a very early start tomorrow…

Sundown

Anyway, showing my pass to the wardens (and them taking a double look at it and smiling to themselves, I am sure) we drive up to the sunset spot area, and I can see throngs of people gathering, making their way by bike (I wish I had done that now, as it’s so flat), or tuk-tuk (you can keep that) and Phearum drops me off at the foot of the climb up to Phnom Bakheng.

Dodging the inevitable hoards of drink and guidebook sellers, I begin the climb up the hill to the temples. They are amazing, only spoilt by the fact they are covered in tourists all wanting to see the sunset, clambering up very steep steps to reach the pinnacle – no Health and Safety here...

I take a load of photos, finding ways of not actually getting many people into the frame, watch the sun go down and then head back down to Phearum, who’s waiting for me. I get back to the hotel for about 8 pm and neck a gin and tonic, upload the day’s photos and contemplate what to do this evening. I have to be up at about 4.30 am tomorrow to get to see the sunrise, so I cannot have a late night, so head out for food and a few beers.

Closed

To see the Angkor Temples, you need to get a pass for however long you want to visit the temples for and that’s our first stop. There are, of course, loads of other fellow temple seekers wanting to get their 1, 3 or 7 day passes and we are all intrigued by the ticket office. 

There are about 20 windows where you queue, pay your ticket, get your photo taken and collect your pass. All 20 have a “closed” sign in front of them, so no one really knows what is going on. I wondered if this was part of the (what otherwise could be a rather boring) job: confuse the customers. 

Anyway, as if it was part of a routine, a number of Cambodia ticket seller attendants came to the front of each queue that had now formed in front of the both windows and, in sync, announced that the ticket office was now open.

Well I suppose it gave a sense of ceremony about it. In fact, I think it was more to do with the fact that tickets bought after 5 pm would enable you to use the next day, but also give you access the previous evening: it was not 4.55 pm. The pass seller tells me to look into the camera, but I don't hear what she says and say "What?" just as she takes the photo of me for my pass. Consequently my pass has got possibly the worst picture of me ever on it: great.

Psar Chsa Market

The hotel is amazing – Le Hotel du Paix – and there is a smell of lemongrass everywhere. I am greeted with a cocktail and led to my room for check-in, unpack, freshen up and head out to the sweltering heat for a wander around. Opposite the hotel is the Central Market, which is OK, but with it being about lunchtime, and (I’m guessing) most tourists being at the ancient temples, it suffers the same ‘problem’ as the Phnom Pehn markets: being hassled by every stall vendor is not something I like particularly.

Moving on from there (and dodging the beggars, tuk-tuk and motorcycle drivers with their offers of a ride, a girl or some ‘bum bum’) I find the older part of Siem Reap – a maze of little streets with a multitude of shops, bars, art galleries, etc and settle for some lunch in one of them whilst watching to world move around me on the street opposite. I have some traditional Khmer food – something called amok –  which was quite nice.

After lunch and a walk though Psar Chsa – another market – I find the river and spend some time walking along there in the shady gardens that are on one side of it before heading back to the hotel. I wanted to see this exhibition next to the children’s hospital which was run by an organisation that helped maintain school and hospitals and sound all rather right on; alas the building was all locked up so I moved on and headed back to the hotel in time to meet my driver to take me to the temples for sundown. 

Siem Reap

Off to Siem Reap today and get a taxi (not a tuk-tuk!) to the airport early, only to find that I have to wait for ages before I can check in – I guess being a small airport means it’s not so critical that you are there hours before. It’s a tiny little plane, with propellers, and despite being only about 45 minutes long we are served food and drink – fantastic!

I arrive and head for a taxi stand and I get my driver, Phearum, to take me to the hotel – along the way he starts all this up selling of his services as a driver, and recommending me restaurants that he knows, and would I like to make a reservation. I am tired and to be honest, I am little weary of this approach, but I listen anyway – he costs $30 a day to hire (not sure if this is bad or not, but seems OK) and some of the proceeds go to the children’s hospital (though somehow I doubt that any of the money I'd give to him would actually make it there). He can see I am mulling this over, and then he mentions going to see the sunset tonight for $10, plus the sunrise tomorrow for a further $5. OK, sold: he’ll meet me at the hotel at 4.30. 

A Bit Dry But Yummy

From there, I head (avoiding all manner of drivers and sellers) to Wat Phnom, a temple on top of probably the only hill in Cambodia, and sit in the shady gardens as the sun goes down before walking back to the night market along the river and to the restaurant I was at last night for a beer and some stir fried cashew nuts with garlic and chilli. 

Yummy. A bit dry, but yummy. 

All Silk And Silver

Back in the safety of my hotel I change back into shorts and head out to find the Central Market – a great Art Deco building (looking a little bit out of place in Phnom, Pehn, I have to say) with a huge dome on the top. I am not that inspired by the market if I’m honest – it’s all silk and silver, and you can’t walk past anything without the sellers trying to grab you, and if that doesn’t work, follow you about telling you to buy something fro them. It doesn’t help matters that it’s not that busy, so I am an easy target.

Museum, Palace And Pagoda

Enough of the sadness, I head to the National Museum which is OK – better than the Bangkok one and I wander around the place soaking in the history of what is an amazing place – culturally and artistically.

After lunch at a spicy beef noodle soup restaurant, I walk back to the hotel to change into long trousers as I am going to the Royal Palace and silver Pagoda where you need to be suitably attired…I walk there, and have to avoid the plethora of tuk-tuk and motorbike drivers, guidebook vendors and cold water sellers. The drivers are easy – you can shake your head and walk on: they are unlikely to follow you as they have a vehicle to look after. The book and drink sellers however are different – they can walk with you down the street insisting that you buy from them. I tell one particularly persistent boy that I’ll buy something later, and that seems to do the trick.

The Palace grounds are pretty spectacular and I am eager to find the Silver Pagoda – so called after the thousands of silver tiles that apparently make up the roof. I was expecting to see some shimmering silver-roofed building and was getting more puzzled by the lack of said building – so after consulting with my guidebook to try and locate the building, apparently it was the one that housed the emerald Buddha. Well, I’d just seen that housed in a rather ordinary (by expectation) pagoda. Maybe the silver had tarnished, but it certainly wasn’t the glamorous site I was expecting.

Making my way back to the hotel, I was chased down the street by a boy who insisted that I promised I’d buy water from him when I left the Palace. 

Sadness, Part II

From the Killing Fields I head back to the city and ask Lat to drop me at the Tuol Sleng museum – a former school that was turned into a detention and torture centre during the demise of Phnom Pehn, and unlucky perpetrators were then driven to the Killing Fields to be, erm, murdered.

The Killing Fields

My first full day in Phnom Pehn begins with breakfast in the hotel whilst I work out my itinerary. I begin to panic unnecessarily that I am not going to be able to see everything in the time that I have here, so I quickly finish my eggs and get ready. My first stop is the Killing Fields which are a few kilometres out of town, so I hire a taxi for the duration of my trip – best way really and I didn’t fancy the day being driven about in a tuk-tuk, so I made it clear to the hotel that I wanted a car, with doors…

My driver is called Lat and he's great, pointing out all the interesting spots on our way out of town. We reach the place, signposted rather grimly as "Genocide Centre" and the entrance to the centre is littered with tuk-tuks and victims of either war or exploding land mines and (rather like a bad taste arcade game) they all make a beeline for me with their begging bowls out. I don’t give them anything, but make a mental note to myself to pledge some money in support of these victims.

First stop is the genocide memorial, which macabrely has the skulls of the victims from the killings in the 1970s under the Pol Pot regime. It’s really harrowing and very moving. It’s hard to imagine the horrors that went on here, especially now as the place is extremely beautiful, peaceful and all the remnants of the torturing have long since been removed. I wander about the place looking into the pits of the mass graves and it’s not until watching a short documentary in the museum that I realise that not all the mass graves have been exhumed yet, and the flat fields nearby still contain the remains of those poor victims.

Very sad indeed.

Bum Bum?

I milled around the night market, watching and listening for a long time and then made my way back, past all the motorbike and tuk-tuk drivers asking me if I want a ride, then if I want a massage or a “bum-bum”, whatever that is – but it must be naughty or illegal as they all say it surreptitiously under hushed breath.

I later Google the latter and find that it’s an invite to shoot things with old military weapons, including animals – e.g. water buffalo. I am a bit shocked by this, and decide that ‘bum bum’ is not for me. 

Big Haired Cambodians At The Outdoor Disco

After a couple of beers, I head off, bidding farewell to the waitress who had too many teeth in her head, but otherwise very pretty, and wander about the night market, passing dozens of souvenir shops, silk stalls, food stalls selling deep fried quail (complete, just without the feathers) and other culinary delights: I haven’t seen any creepy crawlies just yet (unlike Bangkok) and as I was about to head back, the music turned up a notch, and the area in front of a central stage cleared…

This band then got on stage and sang / danced to various local songs – encouraging the crowds to dance local routines, which turned out to be quite good. 

All of a sudden I was surrounded by young, big-haired Cambodians, and appeared to be at an outdoor disco!

Westerners Especially Welcome

I arrive in one piece at the Amanjaya Hotel, right on the Mekong River, and it’s lovely! A quick unpack and freshen up, I decide on an itinerary for the next day and half: I want to see the Tuol Sleng Museum, the Killing Fields, Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda and, if time, the National Museum (which I am hoping is better than the one in Bangkok - I still won't live wanting to go there down)

Anyway, I head out about sundown time along the river, to find something to eat and drink: I fancy a beer. There are plenty of places to eat and drink here, and I look through my guide book for some inspiration. To be honest, I am never much of a fan of bars on my own – especially out here, and especially when the write-up says that “westerners are especially welcome”, which usually means all the locals flock around you, trying to get you to buy them drinks and then shag them.

I get to this market area, which is bustling, and I spy a local food eatery, which looks OK, and take a peek: seems relatively good, so I order the special beef spicy soup and a beer.

Delicious!

Open Air Taxi

Once through the arrivals and equipped with my 3.5G SIM, I needed to make my way to the hotel: I'd already been approached by a multitude of people trying to get me to use their transport and I haggled for a taxi between competing firms and managed to get one for $7, which seemed reasonable.

My driver led me out to the car park, and at first, I thought my car was a rather lovely limo-looking car that he slowed down in front of when he got near it and I hovered round the boot… only to realise that my transport was the tuk-tuk parked next to it! No wonder the price was so good, and now I realise what the losing firm meant when they muttered “it may be cheaper, but you don’t understand cars in Cambodia”.

Oh well, I didn’t have very much luggage so rather than go back to the taxi queue, I hopped on board and I shouted at the driver about how long the journey was, and he said about 20 minutes, so I held on tight and soaked in the smells, dirt, sights and noise and off we went, hurtling through the streets of Phnom Pehn!

The journey was actually about 40 minutes, which was fine: any more and I think I would have been sick. Or had heart failure – the roads are not particularly well built and there don’t appear to be many rules so cars, tuk-tuks, motorbikes, bicycles, people etc all come at you from all directions.

Cambodia

I am off to Cambodia today for a few days: flying to Phnom Pehn, then to Siem Reap and then back to KL: a bit of a whistle stop tour.

On the plane I am sat next to two very over excited Cambodian girls, and the one right next to me keep fidgeting incessantly, elbowing me and she keeps trying to look out of the window (I've got the widow seat) which means she keeps leaning right over me, which is very disturbing when you’ve been snoozing and you wake up and there’s a face right next to yours…

Anyway, a couple of hours later we are landing at Phnom Pehn International Airport, and I have to buy my entry visa (I have tried doing this online, but the website kept crashing. This took a series of at least 10 people to process, passing my application, passport and $20 from one to another down a long line!

Finally I am in Cambodia and the first thing I do is get myself a 3G SIM (well, it’s a 3.5G apparently) so that at least I can keep in touch with the real world whilst I am here: plus it’s always good to be able to call / find yourself on a map when you’re on your own 1000s of km from home… 

It's Health And Safety Gone Mad

We're about to move to a new office. This has taken months of work, preparation, planning and effort by a lot of people (on top of their day job) and we are in the run up to actually moving. Our team are the first to move, but the logistics are a little bit hectic – for example, the removal men are not picking up our packed boxes until a few days later. This means that for a few days, anything that’s been packed away will not be available for use. I mention this fact, almost in passing at a meeting with the team today to update them information about the move.

Immediately, a couple of the team start clucking and whispering things to each other and in the end I stop the presentation and ask if there is a problem, to which they both go on about what will or will not be available on the desks on the first day: so I reiterate that nothing will be transported to the new office until the weekend after we move, ready for the following Monday. Anything that is essential for the couple of days when personal/office items are not available should be carried. By this I mean laptop and telephone: everything else can probably wait.

More clucking and muttering to each other, and so I ask them to explain and share what the problem is here.

“Have we considered health and safety in this move?”

Me (in my head) “What the fuck are you on about?” (out loud) “Of course, but I am not sure what you mean: all items are being transported by the removal company, apart from your laptop and, if necessary, the telephone”

Response? “it’s a health and safety issue to carry the telephone from the car park to the office – especially if you are parked outside.”

Me: “Are you parked outside?”

“no”

I can begin to feel my blood boil. 

So I say that if they have got a real problem with lifting a telephone and transporting it to the new office, they could either get someone else to carry it for them or I will enquire as to whether they can move later and not move with the rest of the team. I should not have offered the latter, as immediately, and unbelievably, other ‘cluckers’ start to think about whether they want a delay too now, and I almost lose my temper, saying that I will only consider those people who have a genuine health and safety issue about moving the telephone, and that this offer is not for a general “Oh I have decided I want to delay because I am a lazy git and can’t be arsed to pack my stuff up in time” excuse.

It takes me the rest of the day to calm down.

Acceptable Use Of IT Resources

When I first arrived here in the office here in July last year (wow), I was amazed how much time people spent on the Internet during what is supposed to be working hours watching films, being on Facebook, playing games etc. OK, we all use the Internet during the work day, and of course no-one in their right minds would expect anything else - as long as you use it in a fair way.  Anyway, through being a miserable kill-joy and constant reminding the team of the company's "Acceptable Use of IT Resources" policy, gradually this has changed.

Now they hide what is on their screens when I walk past.

With the office move that's going on at the moment, we have temporarily got teams from other floors moving in on our floor whilst we clear their old homes of networks etc and it's incredible how many of them blatantly sit at their desks watching You Tube or playing Angry Birds on their phone.

Are all offices like this?

Chris Has Just Checked In

Facebook has finally made the "Location" feature available in Asia. I apologise in advance.

Sweltering Stroll In The Park

Amazingly, due to the lack of alcohol last night, I wake up feeling refreshed - which made a nice change, as I have been caning it (relatively speaking) recently so I need to curb it a little bit otherwise I’ll be miserable. I am having lunch with Keith and we head into Cheras and go to this really local Chinese place called Cheras Flat Woo Pin Head Fish Noodles for some fish curry – and it was delicious. I don't think there are too many Western visitors to this place, and unless you know someone that knows it exists, you'd miss out: there is no way you'd just stumble across it as a traveller - and certainly not as a tourist. 

After lunch we head to Bandar Tasik Selatan – a park in Cheras area that, like so many other parks here in KL, is deserted and probably very under-used. Most inhabitants prefer the cooling air-conditioned shopping malls to the lovely warm outdoors.

OK, it's effing hot and humid, and we walk around the park in the searing heat and realise that it’s actually huge – did we turn back and forget the exercise, or do we carry on and sweat to death? 

We carried on and did the full circuit and the thought of rewarding ourselves afterwards with an ice cold drink kept us going. Nearby there's this place called Station One, so we head there. The menu consisted pretty much of smoothies, teas and ice drinks made with every combination of fruit possible... and (weirdly) Strongbow cider. I guess that's a fruit drink of sorts, and I was very tempted - however, I settled on an apple and strawberry fruit smoothie instead and felt virtuous.

Nice Warm Brown

I have been invited to a Gala Dinner for the Malaysian Institute of Landscape Architecture tonight by Charles, which is something completely different, and I am looking forward to a fancy do. There is a dress code – something warm, and I choose one of my Bangkok shirts (brown with thin orange stripe) and when the boys pick me up, they both say that black is not warm. 

I agree, black isn’t warm: however this shirt is brown. Nice, warm, brown.

The event is at the Legends Hotel, and to get to the car park, we need to head up a spiral entrance that nearly makes me throw up. It’s a pretty grand do, a few distinguished guests, government officials etc and we are seated on one of the VIP tables. Although this is not usually my type of thing, I have a really enjoyable evening and it was another first for me too… a (alcohol free) dinner and awards ceremony.

There are a couple of live performances from a 1980’s Malaysian singer, and someone that I believe won a talent contest a few years ago. The latter sang “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” and went round dragging men onto their feet for dance: at one horrifying moment, I thought she was making a beeline for me, but Charles was an easier target and she pulled him up instead. Phew.

The food's not bad either, and the desert is the same as the last Fear Factor challenge - the fermented rice pudding...

Morning After The Night Before

Urgh, I feel horrific and wake up wondering where the hell I am – a few of us had got together at Palm Springs for dinner and a 'few drinks' and I am too drunk to drive home, so I stay over. Either I am in  my hosts' spare room, or their neighbour Kevin’s, or somewhere completely unknown: what I do know is that I am not in my own bed. 

I'm at my friend Kevin's place and after a coffee, we all go for breakfast – I look horrific and I  am pleased that the other Chris, who was also there last night, is also suffering so I don’t feel such a lightweight. However, all the others look fresh and completely normal, which is completely unfair: I was always under the impression that Asian's couldn’t hold their drink.

Anyway, I head off after breakfast – well, after I get my car unclamped – bastards! I had left it in the visitor parking overnight, but clearly you are not allowed to do that. It was going to cost 100MYR, but managed to get them to give a 50% discount. That'll teach me.

I spend the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself on the sofa catching up on here and feeling bad that I haven’t been to the gym. I eventually get off my arse and spend an hour on the exercise bike, which makes me feel better. 

Mǔgǒu

I have my first Mandarin lesson for a while and Trina says to me “You look like you have put on weight"

That’s it…am only eating dust from now on.

母狗

A Malaysian Musical

I go to see some Malaysian Theatre – a musical called Kampung Boy, which is based on the life of this Malaysian newspaper cartoonist called Mohammed Nor Khalid, or Lat for short. It’s all in Malay (with the exception of one of the songs and little bits of the dialogue). There are subtitles above the stage, which are pretty useless really: there seems to be a lot more dialogue going on stage than the subtitles care to show, and the audience are laughing at things that I have no idea are funny or not!

Despite this, I do get the gist of the story: boy grows up in village near Ipoh, good at cartoons, moves to town, gets job as cartoonist, gets married, travels world, neglects family, realises errors, moves back to village near Ipoh etc 

Still, it was enjoyable, and something different to do: though it may have been better if I could have had a large gin and tonic at the interval – instead we all needed coffee to keep awake - pretty tired after the birthday celebrations last night. 

生日快乐

It’s Edwin’s birthday today, so Charles and me head into town to get him (and Adrian as a belated present) a shirt for a present from a few of us. I think that choosing clothes for other people is a risky thing: you choose the wrong size and you're in trouble; friends feel obliged to wear items, even if they don't really like it, etc. Alcohol / smellies are so much easier!

Anyway, after traipsing around town for most of the morning, we get two really nice items and we are pretty pleased with them. We are out for a dinner later on in this place celled Delucci’s in Changkat Bukit Bintang, and it was really pretty nice. As part of Earth Hour, they turn off all the lights for an hour at about 8pm and play a video of the footage from last year, which I suppose was a nice gesture. 

Of course, when asked, I lie and say that I have turned off all the lights  etc in my place before leaving, when I know that I haven’t, and when I get home later on (after going to a club with a rooftop bar overlooking the Petronas Towers), I turn all the lights and air-conditioning on. 

Revenge Of The Tempoyak

As a couple of UK managers are over at the moment, I am reminded of the Fear Factor challenge I agreed to do a while ago, and after doing a coaching and mentoring workshop (which was a bit like pulling teeth actually), some of the team disappear off and return with a couple of carrier bags with pots of various dubious looking foodstuffs in.

The first looks like thickly sliced banana, and I think it’s called Tapai Ubi - fermented tapioca. Vile. I struggle to eat it, but manage to eat a bit. Once I swallow that, I am presented with this fermented rice pudding dish – I cannot remember the name of it, but it’s weird. I think it’s a bit alcoholic, which is very strange considering it’s halal… It wasn’t too bad, actually, and a have a couple of mouthfuls of that.

Thinking it was over, they then pull out this Tupperware pot containing a bright orange sludge and some weird looking beans and told to dip the beans into the sludge and eat. It looked completely unappetising, but weirdly it tasted really nice: very sharp (lime juice I think) and hot (chilli). After taking a few mouthfuls, the team are almost wetting themselves with delight, and take great pleasure in telling me that it’s something called tempoyak – fermented durian fruit… I cannot detect any durian smell, and it was quite tasty.

Later in the evening, I am out with friends and after a few glasses of wine, I notice that when I burp I can taste fart (durian) – the revenge of the tempoyak!